It's been forever....

Sorry that it has been so long since I've posted, life has been CRAZY!

And by crazy I mean wonderful.

I have so much to be grateful for. All of a sudden I can see the Lord's hand in the vast majority of my struggles over the past several years, and am so grateful for this newfound perspective. I have never been so happy in my life and I hope that I never lose this sense of wonder and joy.

On another note, I've been trying a different form of gratitude journaling. There is a website called gratitude160.com where you can have text messages or emails sent to you up to 3 times daily asking you what you're grateful for. Your responses are recorded (securely) online and a weekly log is sent to you by email eat the end of every week. You can also access it any time you want by just going to the website. Sorry if this feels a bit like an advertisement, but I'm just loving doing this. It helps me to consistently be more in the mindset of being grateful, and opens my eyes to more of my blessings as I try not to say the same things over and over.

I'll try to catch up on my blog posts, but it may be difficult as my family, Cameron, and I are going on vacation to California! It's going to be so much fun, not to mention he gets to meet my family... not sure if that goes under fun or not, but if he still likes me after 15 days of being stuck in the same place as ALL of us then he's definitely a keeper! haha.

♥ My Little Sister got Baptized ♥

This past week my little sister, Elizabeth, got baptized! When I originally made the decision to stay for spring and summer terms, I was really upset that I would have to miss this special day and moment. I still wish with all of my heart that I could have been there in person to give her a hug when she came out of the water, to help do her hair, and to sing with her and the rest of my sisters.

This isn't what matters, though. What matters is that she made the choice to be baptized, to covenant with God to keep his commandments and to look after his other children.* And I, through the miracle of modern technology, got to see the whole thing. Yes, my dad skyped me from his phone so that I could participate in a little way even though I was 2,000 miles from them.

I am so grateful for my family, and for the sacrifices that they make for me to be here. I'm grateful for Lizzie and for her example, and for the love of our Father in Heaven.


*Just some background for any of you who are curious why Lizzie waited until she was eight years old to get baptized:
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that Christ's atonement, where he suffered for our sins and died on the cross and was resurrected, automatically covers the sins of all those who sin unknowingly. We also believe that He payed for Adam's fall, so we have no "original sin," and are therefore completely innocent until we are old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong. We believe that this ability develops around the age of 8 (a fact I actually heard scientific evidence for in my human development class, but can't remember who said it).
Understanding the difference between right and wrong is so important before baptism because it is not only a cleansing of sins, but it is an ordinance wherein we covenant, or promise, with God that we will keep his commandments, take our Savior's name upon us (we will do our best to be like Him and behave in a way that represents Him and reflects well on His church), and that we will always remember Him, in everything that we do. In return, the Lord forgives our sins and sends the Holy Spirit to be with us. Before we can be baptized, we need to be able to know and understand the covenants that we are making, so that we can keep them. This is why we wait until we are eight years old to take this step.

If you have any questions about this, or any of my other beliefs, feel free to leave me a comment! You can also click this link here. Have a lovely day! :)

Pure Joy

I haven't been so happy in, well, ever. At least, not that I can remember. The funny thing I'm coming to realize is that I've always had the potential to be this ecstatic. My life has not gotten any easier AT ALL. I'm struggling to finish assignments well and on time, I'm losing things, I burned myself really badly, my credit card expired and my new one hasn't come yet, the list goes on and on. The only thing that has changed is my perspective.

Cue Boyfriend. ( I promise there's a point to this tangent.)

A little over a month ago an incredibly cheery guy decided to sit next to me when Men's and Women's chorus were singing together in a BYU devotional. I was having a really bad day but I tried my best to be nice. He asked for my number, friended me on facebook, but I didn't think much of it. Then a week later he asked if I'd like to go on a walk with him on Sunday afternoon. We got to talking and I realized that he had such a light! (see previous post.) He was so optimistic and we have a really similar way of seeing the world. I hardly stopped smiling the entire time I was with him. Something about his love of life and optimism was just contagious. So long story short we started seeing each other pretty frequently and going on dates until we decided that we didn't want to date anyone else and that's where we are now.

So, tangent aside, his light, spirit, and optimism have really made me want to be a better person. I saw how happy he was and when I realized that he wasn't ignoring sad things, they just didn't bother him because of how much he loved everything else, I decided "I want to be like that, too!" So, I have. I am utterly full of God's love, I do my best to recognize the little wonders all around me, and share my joy with everyone I meet. I must say, I feel fantastic. I haven't been more in love with life for such an extended period of time that I can remember, or been filled with so much gratitude.

On a side note, I've finally figured out why I couldn't go to Nauvoo! It's because, if I had gone, I would  not have had this wonderful life changing experience, or get to be dating this amazing man. Hallelujah. :)

Light

A few days ago I went to the temple with my friend Cameron (not my brother) and, while we were there, had the opportunity to reflect on the concept of light. The light I'm talking about can't really be seen with our eyes, but is more of a spiritual phenomenon.

In the scriptures Christ told us that he is the "light and the life of the world." Other places in the scriptures, as well as modern day prophets and apostles, talk about the light of Christ. I think that the closer a person is to God in behavior, desire, and communication, the more of that light he or she is given and is able to show to the rest of the world. Some people obviously "shine" brighter than others, and the more in tune with the Spirit you are the easier it is to detect this in others.

So while I was in the temple I saw a lot of youth (kids between the ages of 12-17) and it was so wonderful to see how many of them had such a light about them. They truly shone like angels, as did my friend with whom I was there. He is such a fantastic example to me.

I am so grateful for all of the many people in my life who have the light of Christ with them and do not "hide it under a bushel" (Matt 5:15). I hope that I can learn to share my light with others and help them to feel God's love for them in the way that I have been helped and strengthened.

Thank You, Adam, for Sharing This:

Adam Young (aka Owl City) is one of the more spiritual people I've never met.

Yes, you read that correctly.

He genuinely has the spirit with him and is not afraid to hide it--his heart is completely open. I always feel uplifted after reading his blog or listening to his music. I thought this entry, as well as most of them, was really touching.

A Heart Like His

A while back, in the middle of a rather emotionally difficult trial, I realized that I was closing my heart. I was trying to block out the pain and anger I was feeling, but all that the walls seemed to be keeping out was love and joy. I was utterly apathetic. I hate being apathetic. I'm a really emotional person, and so to feel nothing is strange and uncomfortable and depressing. I like myself best when I smile at myself in the mirror and sing no matter what I'm doing, not being the sullen, jaded, spiteful little girl I occasionally let myself become. The morning after I discovered this and decided that I needed to change my heart, a girl in Women's Chorus gave us a beautiful devotional. I don't remember what she said, but the spirit touched me through her words as she told us about her experience reading a book, A Heart Like His by Virginia H Pearce, and told me that I needed to open my heart, I needed a heart like my Savior's.

After the devotional we began to rehearse. We were singing an arrangement of the Hymn "Lord I Would Follow Thee," with two new verses.

Stir my heart with love's compassion,
When in weakness I withhold.
I would heal as thou hast healed me,
Comfort, strengthen, and enfold.
Stir my heart with love's compassion,
Lord, I would follow Thee.

Precious, fleeting is my time here.
Whisper wisdom to my mind,
Courage when my heart is aching,
Faith when fear is all I find.
Precious fleeting is my time here,
Lord, I would follow Thee.

As we sang them, tears started to flow as I felt for the first time the truth and importance of those words.   I could finally feel. I knew that my Father loved me, that I was the one that had pushed him away, and I needed to change.

It was difficult at first, to try to allow the walls to fall, because I was certain that the first thing I would feel was pain, but I was simultaneously given love and joy. I found myself smiling and singing again, and it was lovely. It was also hard, and I still felt rather hopeless at times. Although I felt that I should stay in Provo for the summer I almost gave up and went home, because it is so nice to be taken care of and surrounded by family, and so hard to feel alone, but God gave me the strength and courage I needed to do His will as I asked for it.

It has been a long road, and I know there is still a very long way to go before I can even come close to having a heart like the Lord's, but as soon as I let Him in, He has been with me every step of the way and giving me comfort. I love Him, and my Father in Heaven so very much, and I am so grateful for all that they have given to me.

Family: Heaven on Earth

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see my great grandmother Marybelle on my mom's side. She is 98 years old, has basically no memory, and has not left her bed in a few years. She can't communicate anymore and has to be spoon-fed like a baby. It's strange to see someone who I used to talk to and have conversations with be in this condition, and I find myself having nothing to say to her, and even if I can think of something I get too choked up to say it. I am not really sad though, at least not for her. She's not really suffering, she barely takes any medication at all, she just can't care for herself. I'm sad for my great Aunt and Uncle who visit her regularly and have to see her health declining. They are the kindest people and have such good hearts, and I know it would be difficult for me to watch my mother starting to slip away like that. But again, its not really sadness that overwhelms me and makes my eyes "leak," as my mom puts it. I cry because the veil is so thin around Marybelle.

When I am with either the very young or the very old I can feel that Heaven is close. I can feel our Father in Heaven's love more strongly and clearly than I otherwise can. I know that he is waiting, for his own reasons, to welcome my grandmother to the other side where she can rest from her mortal trials. I believe my grandfather, her husband Bob, was there in that room with her, watching out for her as he did all his life until the moment he passed away two years ago.

I am so blessed to have been able to know three of my great-grandparents, and to still have two of my great-grandmothers alive. I'm so grateful for the spirit I feel when I'm with them and for all that they've taught me about perseverance and hard work. I pray for them, and hope that when they have done all they came to this Earth to do that they can slip peacefully to the other side of the veil and be reunited with their loved ones.


I am so grateful for my testimony of the atonement, life after death, and the resurrection. I know that someday I will be able to see these remarkable people again, and be able to live with them as a family forever.

Close Enough to Touch

In Relief Society today our president shared something amazing with us (to paraphrase...)

“The Savior is never more than an arm's length away, because he will not stand further from you than you can push him.”

I know this to be true, metaphorically speaking. The savior is only as far from me as I make him stay. The moment I turn to him for love, or comfort, or support, or validation, He is there embracing me and opening the windows of Heaven to pour out more blessings and comfort and healing than I could ever hope to receive. He is ever so much more than just. He is merciful, he is tender, he is loving, he is compassionate, he is self-sacrificing, and he is always there for me.

No matter how selfish I tend to be, which sometimes is sadly probably an 11 out of 10 on the self-centered meter, he sends me angels as soon as I am ready to accept them. On Wednesday he sent me one such angel: my wonderful friend Sam. He is always ready to listen to the spirit, and offer comfort and advice. He didn't know why, but he followed a prompting to come talk to me and because of what he said, and because of the love of my Heavenly Father he helped me to recognize, my burdens have been made light. They are still there, but they are now manageable.

I know that our Father in Heaven and Savior love us. They would do anything for us. I am so grateful for the sacrifice our Lord made for us when he suffered and atoned for our sins in Gethsemane, gave his life on Calvary, and finally was resurrected so that someday we, too, may be reunited with our bodies, and become perfected like him, and live forever in his kingdom. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is His church on the Earth today, and that he leads and guides it. I know that no matter how close we stray from the path, he will always be beside us, waiting to give us the help we need, always close enough to touch.

Family

I've had a LOT of little, and a few not so little, things piling up lately, and although I have been keeping my head above water, it's just barely. I sadly have not been turning to the Lord as much as I should, but General Conference came just in time, and gave me an opportunity to spend the entire weekend with my family.

I am so grateful for my family. I love them so much, and am so grateful for the way they are consistently willing to do everything they can for me. I love how much love I feel when I go to their homes. I love being cared for, and having the opportunity to care for them in turn, instead of being alone.

My sweet, sweet cousin Taelor, who is a whopping three years old, voluntarily sang me a lullaby and tucked me into bed before she was sent upstairs to bed sunday night, and then came and woke me up in the morning, announcing that it was breakfast time and helped be to select the best options from the pantry.

I am so grateful for this, and for other expressions of love I've received over the last few days, and my whole life, from my wonderful family. Thank you all so very much :)

Thank you also to my friends who treat me like family--who consistently take care of me, love me, and support me. You're the best!