Share the Gift

Christmas is such a wonderful time of the year. I enjoy the decorations and the snow (that seems to be AWOL this year, at least in Provo). I love seeing little children's excitement building as they wait for Santa and presents, but my favorite part about Christmas is the greater emphasis on the Savior and all that he has done for us. There seems to be a greater sense of love and goodwill among everyone. This year, however, I'm not seeing that as much as I'm used to. In the news there are so many messages of hatred and vengeance and anger. It makes me sad that there is so much suffering and hurt in this world, but especially that people cannot find it in themselves to love each other.

Mormon.org is doing a campaign this year called "Share the Gift." The point is to share with others the miracle and joy of Christmas: the gift of the Savior and of his love and atonement for us. They are inviting anyone and everyone to print out their sign and share how they will #sharethegift this holiday season. I would invite everyone to do this, and to consider your way of sharing to be "I will love others, even if they are unkind to me." The Savior said, "Love others as I have loved you." He also asked us to "bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." Regardless of the pain and persecution we may be going through, the Savior expects us to love each other. That is the gift we can give to him this Christmas, as well as to all the world. It is also the only way that we can end this cycle of hatred. If we refuse to seek revenge, if we do our best to have Christlike thoughts and actions, if we reach out in love to those around us, then we can influence the world for good.

Here is my sign. You are welcome to borrow it if you like. If you want to print out your own blank one to fill out, click here.

If you want to know more about the #ShareTheGift campaign, watch the video below or visit christmas.mormon.org

I am so grateful for my Savior; for the sacrifice that he made for me, and for every single person on this Earth. I love him and want so much to be worthy to go back to him. I am grateful for my testimony of his divinity and of his love for me individually. May we all remember to keep the Christ in Christmas.

Remembering Lila

Today marks one year since our grandmother Lila passed away. I miss her so much. She was so full of spunk and life and joy. When I met her she was very sick, but she never let it get her down. She was always looking for ways to serve others and never complained about how awful she was feeling. The first day that I met her we bonded immediately. It was like finding a long-lost sister. We were so comfortable with each other and could talk about anything.

It breaks my heart sometimes that she left before Sam was born, that he'll never know her in this life, but I feel sure that she was with him before he was born. I like to imagine that she held Sam and his cousins that have passed away all in her arms, singing to and teaching them. I've felt her close many times, and oh, how I miss her. She was such a wonderful example of selflessness and love and I will be forever grateful that I got to know her and be her friend.

I know that those we love are never far away. I am so grateful for the atonement and for the gospel. I'm grateful for the promise that those who pass away are not gone forever. I'm grateful that through the ordinances in temples we can be with our families forever. What a joyful message that is! I'm thankful for my Savior. for making all of this possible, for loving me and all of us enough to do all he had to to make this a reality.

I miss you, Grandma! Thank you for watching over our family.

Random Update on Our Life

I haven't written in forever. School has been very busy, being a mom has been busy, realizing that plans for six months from now will probably change drastically (No, we're not pregnant)
so, blogging falls by the wayside.

But life has been full of so many blessings!

Samuel continues to grow. He hasn't gained much weight recently, my milk supply has probably gone down since he has to take a bottle most days that I'm at school, but we caught it early and the doctor is helping us get a routine set up to help him get the food he needs.

I got an A on my first ASL test! Which is awesome, 'cause last semester was not quite so good. I'm also loving my English class. I LOVE the way my teacher sets everything up and forces us to work on our essays slowly by having us turn them in piece by piece, focussing on different aspects every time! It's helping my writing so much.

I have also submitted a piece to a magazine! I think I'd like to do more of that! I don't know yet if it will be published or not, but I've decided that I'd like to try to write more, and if I can get published that would be fantastic! I'm also currently working on two children's books. An illustrating major just moved into our ward, so I may have to ask if she'd like to collaborate.

Cameron is thinking of other options for grad school (we were originally planning to stay here) so that potentially puts me in a tough spot for graduating. Still totally doable, I'd just have to do online classes if we left Provo. But we're praying and counseling together and I'm sure we'll find the best solution. (I just hope it's soon so we can plan for the future!)

General conference was AWESOME. My dad was able to come out early for a business trip and spend sunday conference with us, and Cameron's mom and little sister came up for Saturday conference. It was so wonderful to see them! I also made my mom's oh-so-delicious cinnamon rolls and they were awesome! (I'll probably share the recipe on here sometime because it is SO good!)
and, of course, I absolutely loved the messages that were shared! I especially loved all the messages about being kind and courteous to others, regardless of whether we have different beliefs. I know I struggled with that a little when I was younger, and it can still be hard to respond with kindness when people are cruel or hurtful to me or others, but I have a testimony that God wants us to love each other and treat each other well. I hope that I can continue to try to become more christ-like, especially as I go back and listen to the talks from conference over again.

Sam's sleep training is going really well! (Except last night he woke up several times, but I think that he is legitimately teething this time, so we'll let it slide and hope it doesn't become the norm.) He felt so bad for keeping me up all night last night that he let me take an almost-three-hour nap with him today! It was much needed.

Thanks for letting me just blurt out random pieces of news. I am loving life! I am loving a more structured schedule for Sam, and I love the Lord!
Happy October!

(here's a sneak peak of some pictures my dad took of us over the weekend!)

Feeling Grateful Today

Being a mom is really time consuming, and mind consuming, and all consuming. I hardly think about anything else, ever (which is why I really ought to be reviewing ASL right now instead of writing this, but it's nice to do something just for fun.)

I love my life. Goodness, I get tired sometimes, like all-the-times, but it is so wonderful! I am so grateful for my Father in Heaven who strengthens me. There are many moments, like yesterday morning, when I am too tired to even think about moving but I say a little prayer and He helps me to keep pushing on without falling over or dropping my baby, and then blesses me with a nap!

I'm also so grateful for my husband who is so supportive and helpful. Even though he has a sprained ankle and a cold and is taking the GRE this weekend he still takes the time to help me and just sit and talk and make me feel loved!

I am also so grateful for my little angel baby. He is so wonderful. Yesterday was tough, I think he might be catching whatever I have, but his little smiles and giggles make me so happy. No matter what burdens I am carrying, his smile lightens them instantly. Motherhood is amazing. I can't even begin to describe how much I have grown, especially emotionally. I've always had a pretty low threshold for stress and sleep deprivation (anyone who knew me in high school can tell you I got sick all the time) but I have been strengthened in my mind and body. I've learned how to keep pushing, to just take one more step, and then another, and another, until I'm running full speed again. It truly is a miracle.

I'm so grateful for all my friends and family, for their love and support, and for the joy it gives me to know that I am not alone.

I'm grateful for baby bouncers and bagels with strawberry cream cheese.

I'm grateful for baby giggles and kind strangers and windows that open.

I'm grateful for sunshine, I'm grateful for rain, I'm grateful for this beautiful place I live in that I used to think was a barren desert. I'm grateful that my mind can change!

I'm grateful for my tiny apartment that has a full sized stove, oven, and refrigerator. I'm grateful for the concrete floors covered in cheap linoleum and million year old carpet that don't creak when I'm putting my baby down to sleep.

I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for my family members that I have known who have passed away. I'm grateful for their examples, and for the love I still feel from them.

I'm grateful for my faith: for my knowledge of a life after this where we can have a second chance and can be with our families again. I'm grateful for a merciful God who loves me, and all of us, more than anything!

I am grateful that happiness is a choice!

I Feel My Savior's Love

As a new mom I'm always busy, but I want to make sure I'm busy with the right things. It's much too easy to just pick up the iPad and play games every time I'm nursing instead of picking up a book or calling a friend or family member. I've been feeling a bit down the last few days, easily overwhelmed, short of temper: not the me I want to be.
So, a few nights ago I followed my husband's example and had a good scripture study. Not just reading a chapter, but really contemplating the meaning of what I was reading and looking for ways to apply it in my life. It felt so good. I don't know why I ever try to make excuses about why I shouldn't or can't do that.
I'm grateful for my Savior and for his love. He grants me peace and patience and inexpressible joy. I am so grateful for the many, many glorious blessings that he has given to me, and to everyone! I'm grateful for the atonement. I'm grateful that I can be with my family forever. As I was holding Sam that night, I began singing a song I learned in church when I was a little girl that touched my heart and helped me to feel the love of my Lord and Savior. I didn't know that I remembered all the words, but somehow I did and it brought me the peace that I had been seeking for days.

I feel my Savior's love
in all the world around me.
His spirit warms my soul
through everything I see.

He knows I will follow Him,
give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
The love He freely gives me.

I feel my Savior's love
It's gentleness enfolds me,
and when I kneel to pray
my heart is filled with peace.

I feel my Savior's love
and know that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart.
My shepherd he will be.

I'll share my Savior's love
by serving others freely.
In serving I am blessed
In giving I receive!

He knows I will follow Him,
give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
the love He freely gives me.

Our Wedding: Why We Chose the Temple

Cameron and I decided to be married in the Salt Lake City temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is a beautiful building with lots of history, as well as being a place where many of our relatives and ancestors were married. But it is so much more than that.

We chose this temple because it was right outside that I first told Cameron that I loved him, and also the place we were when he kissed me for the first time.

(It was right about here that it happened!)


Our families are spread out all over the country, though we both have a lot of extended family in Utah, and we wanted to have the wedding somewhere that would be mildly convenient for everyone. (We realize that, short of having 5 different weddings, it was impossible to make it really convenient for very many people at all, and we so appreciate all the love and support we got from our families, especially those that had to travel to get here!)

We chose to be married in the temple instead of a church or other setting because we believe that here, we could be married not just for this life, but for the rest of eternity as well. A lot of people I know believe that marriage only lasts until death, and that neither our spirits nor our resurrected selves will be connected to our spouse. When we are sealed in the temple, we are promised to be with each other forever.

But there's something even more wonderful than that. We're together with each other, but if we keep doing our best to live the way God wants us to, we can be with our children and ancestors as long as they do the same! We can be with our whole family forever.

For the actual ceremony, we had a lot of family that was unable to come inside to be with us. The temple is a very sacred place, and even lots of members of our church aren't allowed in. To come in to the temple, you must be strictly living the commandments, as well as have made special promises and commitments with the Lord that you will always live that way. These are very serious promises, and so members of the church are encouraged to wait until they are ready to be married or serve a full time mission, or at least are past their teen-age years, before they go to the temple and make those commitments.

It was painful for us to not be able to have some of our family with us for that short time we were inside the temple. We wanted so much to be able to share that with them. But for us, it was an easy choice. For us, leaving them outside for half an hour so that we could have the chance to be with them for the rest of eternity as well as this life was definitely worth it. I know that it's difficult for those not of our faith to understand, but we did it because we love our family and we want to be with them always.

Families are central to God's plan. He means for us to be with our families and to be happy! I know that He loves us and wants the best for us. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices in this life, and it is hard, but the reward will always be worth it. This is why we chose to be married in the temple. We want to be with each other and our family, not just "till death do us part," but through all of forever, even after we die. It is a glorious promise, and I know that God keeps his promises.

We're so grateful that our family was so supportive of us and that so many of you who were unable to come inside still came to the temple to be there when we came out. We love you so much, and hope you can understand why we made the choice that we did. We want to be with you forever.

If you would like to learn more about mormon temples, click here, here, here, or even here!

If you would like the opportunity to go inside a mormon temple, completely "legally" and without any commitment or strings attached, here and here are the next opportunities to do so. (When a new temple is built, it is open to the general public for a short time before it is dedicated. There will be a guided tour of the building and explanations of what the different rooms are used for. You do need tickets, but they are free. You can obtain tickets by following the link above.) If you are unable to attend an open house but still want to learn about the temple, many temples have visitor centers on the same property where you can ask questions about the temples and see the outside and grounds.

And here are some more pictures of our wonderful family at the temple with us, and a few of just Cam and I that I love!

Sacred Gifts

Last Saturday Cameron took me on a date! It was our first one out of the home in a while since we've been sick and it was great! He took me to the BYU Museum of Art to look at the Sacred Gifts exhibit. Original paintings by Carl Bloch (that have never before left the Frederiksborg Castle since they were placed there in the early 1800's and likely will never leave again after their short stay at BYU,) Frans Schwartz, and Heinrich Hofmann are being exhibited along with some of their etchings in a beautifully redesigned and ornately decorated space.

Many of these paintings are from altars and similar spaces in churches and cathedrals in Denmark and Germany (as well as other places in Europe and America,) so the museum built temporary altar-like frames for them that lend a beautifully sacred ambiance to the exhibit, but are simple enough to not distract from the pieces themselves and their subject: Christ our Savior.

As well as being an enriching cultural and artistic experience, it was amazingly spiritual as well. The portraits of the Savior, although differing in physical appearance, all show an amazing depth of love, sacrifice, and holiness. The eyes of every portrait captivated me. I was amazed by how well these painters seemed to know their Lord. I didn't know before visiting this exhibit how personally religious they all were. Some of them painted for themselves as much as others. Hofmann's famous Portrait of Christ was originally placed in his bedroom to be a reminder for him of who he should be and how he should live. I thought that was really touching.

I would strongly encourage everyone and anyone who can to go to this exhibit. It is so beautiful and so touching. I'm so grateful for art and for the depth and beauty it lends to life.

To learn more about the exhibit or reserve tickets (they're free) go to http://sacredgifts.byu.edu/tickets/

Why I'm Glad I Was Engaged and Married Before I Was 23

I am so in love with my husband. Why? Well, for one, he's practically perfect. But besides that, he shows his love to me. I appreciate that so much. He makes me feel so loved all the time that I can't help but be overjoyed and completely in love with him back! The last few days of break before he went back to school we spent a few afternoons just spending time with each other and it turned into sitting on the couch talking, flirting, and just expressing how much we love each other. I know it sounds totally cheesy and silly, but it made us both so happy. Because we keep feeding our relationship, we just get more and more happy and excited to be with each other.

There's been an article going around facebook that talks about why you should wait to get engaged and married, but I think most of the points are silly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I feel like I need to stand up and say, "I support marriage and "old fashioned" values. Being born when I was doesn't mean that I automatically have to give up hope that marriage could actually mean something more than a fancy wedding and a pre-nup."

 I suppose for some people it might be easier to have adventures on their own, but being adventurous doesn't mean you have to make dumb decisions. I'm sorry, but making out with strangers is not my idea of a good time. I'd rather kiss my husband. And what's wrong with snuggling the person you love, who also happens to be your best friend?

"If a person is your eternal love", why wait? If you know that you will love that person forever and want to be with them, why are you putting other priorities ahead of them? Yes, it can be scary to have to try to coordinate two educations, jobs, cultures, personalities, but honestly, the longer you wait, the harder it will get.

I am a very timid person when it comes to trying new things. I hadn't even been on a roller coaster until I met Cameron. I am much more adventurous now than I ever was before I started dating him. Recently Cameron and I were talking about where we would like to settle our family. I said something to the effect of "I think that I could adjust to any situation we're put into, even if it's not my ideal setting." Cameron remarked that I would not have said that when we met. It's so true! He has helped me to grow in ways that I wouldn't let myself when I was single. Marriage is about growth, it's about learning to care about more than just yourself, and it's about becoming your best self. It's not being tied down, giving up your freedom, or losing your identity. All of those things are expanded in a healthy relationship.

Being married doesn't mean that you have to settle down immediately and never travel or have fun. Some people choose to settle down, and that's fine. Others take their time as "newlyweds" to have fun and go on adventures together! Cameron and I haven't had the money to travel the world, but we have tried to take advantage of the fun opportunities around us, and to make adventures for ourselves close to home.

This article also talked about how getting married means that you'll get "knocked up and fat." I really dislike the phrase "knocked up." I think it's crude, demeaning, and degrading to the sanctity that is parenthood and family. You don't have to get pregnant just because you get married. I have a lot of married friends that feel like it isn't time for them to have children yet. I also know several couples that have struggled with infertility and would give anything to have the privilege of having and raising a child. Cameron and I were originally planning to wait much longer before we got pregnant, but after praying we felt strongly that it was time to stop waiting. On our one year anniversary we were six months pregnant. This is what was right for us, but is not right for everyone. The decision to start a family, whether through marriage, or continuing through having children, is a personal choice, and no one has the right to judge others for that choice, though we as a society do it all the time.

And I'm sorry to tell you, but you'll get older (and probably gain a few pounds) regardless of whether or not you're married, so you might as well do it with the person who will help you, support you, and make you happy and build your self esteem.

Marriage, especially at a young age may not be for everyone. It is a huge commitment, and shouldn't be taken lightly, or thought of as temporary. But I know that for some people, including myself, it was the right choice. Marriage can be tons of fun and bring deep and lasting happiness. You get to spend every day with your best friend, you can find yourself and become your best self, and do it all with your biggest fan and the person who loves you no matter what.

I know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. I know that families are part of his plan. I am grateful for that knowledge. I'm grateful for my husband who loves and supports me in everything that I do. I'm so glad that I can make him happy and help lift him us the way he does for me.

Has it Really Been a Year?

This Wednesday marks one year since my husband and I were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
One Year! When did that happen?

A lot of people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I'm honestly not sure what they're talking about. This has been the happiest year of my entire life. We've had a lot of hard things happen in our family that were out of our control, but because of that our relationship was able to grow so much stronger than it would have otherwise. We've learned so much about communication, sacrifice, service, and love. Our testimonies of the love that our Father in Heaven has for us are unshakeable. We know that he is guiding or lives and we are so excited to continue this adventure together!

We are so glad that we were married in the temple. It is a big commitment to live our lives so that we are worthy to go there, but the blessings we have received are beyond imagining. If we continue to live the promises that we made to each other and to the Lord in His house, we will be together forever. Even after we die, we will not be separated. Isn't that so wonderful? It gives me so much comfort to know that no matter what happens, as long as I live the way God asks me to, I will never, ever have to say goodbye to my dear Cameron for more than a short time. We have also been promised to always have our children with us. What a comfort and joy that is. I am so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, where we have the authority from God to be sealed together forever, and to be taught His gospel, and to know of the sacredness and importance of the family in His plan.

Want to know more about LDS (Mormon) temples or doctrine? Feel free to ask me any questions you have, or visit www.mormon.org. This website answers FAQ, outlines the basics of our beliefs, can help you locate the nearest meetinghouse and times if you'd like to visit our church services, and missionaries available to chat online with if you have any questions. You can also receive a free copy of the Bible and/or Book of Mormon if you want one. I'd seriously recommend that you check it out this website for any information about what we believe.

Here Comes the Sun

I love being in Women's Chorus. It brings so much joy to my life. I love the power of music to be a force for good in the world when there can be so much negativity and hardship. Life is not easy. It's not meant to be. But it is meant to be enjoyed! Don't worry, no matter how difficult your situation is, the Lord loves you, he is there for you, and there is sunshine just ahead! Just keep holding on! I promise that you can get through it.

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

In Women's Chorus we're singing "Come, Thou Fount" at our concert this coming week. I am so excited! I love this song. The music is so beautiful and the lyrics are so sweet. Until this past week I'd always felt the spirit in this song, but never had the words stand out  to me so clearly, especially during one particular line.

"Jesus sought me, when a stranger wandering from the fold of God, came to rescue me from danger from the downward path I trod."

Due to the King James-y English and poetic grammar, I rearrange the words in my head to make more sense and they come out something like this:
"Jesus sought me when I had estranged myself from him and was wandering away from God's fold. He came to rescue me from the spiritual danger in which I was placing myself." He came for me. How powerful is that message?

I have been the sheep that has wandered from the fold. There have been far too many times when I have turned my back on my Savior. I am so sorry that I have done this, and I keep trying to be better, but I am human and I make mistakes. I am proud, and I am selfish, and I ashamed when I let myself and others down. I often feel that when I am going through something difficult that I could have avoided if I had been smart and following the spirit, that I should take care of it myself--that I don't deserve the help and care of my loving Father in Heaven and the Savior. Yet the moment I fall to my knees, the very second I humble myself and ask for help and forgiveness, the Savior is there to sweep me up in the arms of his love. He takes away my pain, my sadness, my guilt, and my stress. He is always waiting to take care of me. No matter how far I wander, he follows me and waits for me to let him help and strengthen me. He leaves the ninety-and-nine for my sake. (Luke 15.)

I am so grateful for the love of my Savior, and for his amazing atonement which allows me to repent and be cleansed so that I can move forward, and upward, without being hindered by my past mistakes. I know that the Lord loves each of us. He will always, always accept and forgive us as we repent and try our best to change. He doesn't expect perfection, he only asks that we do our best. I am so grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful for music. I am so thankful for the way that music and singing can soften my heart when nothing else can, and give me a way to bear my testimony when my own words don't seem like enough.

I love my Savior. I know that he lives and loves us, that his atonement is perfect, and that he wants so much for us to come home to him. I have felt the spirit testify of this to me, and I cannot doubt that.

He Lives, All Glory to His Name

One of the things I love about BYU is how many likeminded people there are. There are so many humble followers of the Savior who love and serve Him and all of his children. But every so often you meet others who just don't have that burning faith. Of course everyone is entitled to choose how they will live, how much to believe, but I honestly just don't know how they cope with everything that the world throws at us without faith.

A week or so ago I was talking with a coworker and shared an experience where I felt that God had answered my prayers and he said, "You really think God cares?" I was shocked, I haven't had someone confront me like this since high school, but I also immediately felt the spirit testifying to me that yes, He does care. Like my Earthly Father it may not matter much to him what colored shirt I wear today or if my hair is in a ponytail or braids, but he cares if I am happy, he cares about my future, and he consistently answers my prayers whether I ask for comfort, knowledge or direction.

I know my Savior lives. I know he loves each of us. I know that he wants all of us to come home to him, and he will not turn anyone away who is truly penitent. He is gracious, he is merciful, he is wonderful!

I know that my Redeemer lives.
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, he lives who once was dead.
He lives, my ever-living head.
He lives to bless me with His love.
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my Hungry soul to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise heavenly Friend.

He lives and loves me to the end.

He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing.

He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath.

He lives, and I shall conquer death.

He lives my mansion to prepare.

He lives to bring me safely there

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

--Samuel Medly

Emma

This past week my darling niece Emma passed away. Born on Christmas, she was our little miracle. Although the Lord chose not to let us keep her for long, we are eternally grateful for what little time we had with her and the sweet spirit and opportunities for growth and faith she brought to us.

It's been a really hard time for the family, but our faith has grown immensely and we've drawn so much closer together. It really is difficult to look on the bright side during times like this. One family member commented, "It's really hard to have an eternal perspective at a time like this," but in my mind I automatically answered "But it's even harder not to." I believe that. Without faith in God's plan that we can return to him, that all little children are saved, that through the blessings of the temple families can be together forever, times like these are unbearable.

But I do have that faith, and I thank Heaven for it. Throughout all of this I have prayed for peace, for myself and for my family members. My heart absolutely aches for my dear sister, but I have been given peace. It is truly remarkable. As I have turned to the Lord my faith has been increased. My gratitude for the Temple, my family, and the Gospel have grown immensely.

I'm so grateful that Emma was able to spend a little time with our family, and touch so many lives during her stay here on Earth. I love her, as I love all my family, and am so excited to be able to see her again after this life.

To help the family with medical expenses, a fund has been set up at Helena Community Credit Union for Emma.

When I Really Ought to be Studying...

I have so much to be thankful for.

When I was little, as my mom told my fiancé today, I was that kid that got picked on, even by younger kids. I was shy, slow, short, you name it. I was the one without candy after the Easter egg hunt, or piñata, last one picked for sports teams at recess, and I was pretty sensitive, so this all hurt.

I've had a lot of experiences where people that I looked up to or wanted to be loved by didn't appreciate me for who I was even though I tried really hard to be their friend, serve them, uplift and comfort them, but it frequently seemed that I was the only one working at the relationship.

I don't feel like that little kid with the empty Easter basket anymore.

Cameron is amazing, and he loves me and cares about me. If you don't believe me, read this. There are so many reasons that I love him, but today I am especially grateful because he lifts me up. He picked me. He tells and shows me every moment how appreciated and loved I am, and am never allowed to forget who I am: a daughter of our Father in Heaven with worth and potential. I have never felt more valued, because although I have always been loved and supported by my family, this is coming from a man that had no prior connection or obligation to me. Yet he loves me. He treats me like a queen and puts my happiness and well being above his own.

I could not be more grateful for this wonderful, wonderful man. I am so excited to marry him! :)

40 days to go ;)

Galatians 5:22

To start: if you haven't watched the Relief Society General Broadcast from last night, YOU NEED TO. It was AMAZING.

I spent almost all day with Cameron yesterday and it was wonderful! We don't get to do that very often anymore now that school has started. We got things to make our Halloween costumes, got lunch, picked up a few things for wedding decorations, and ended the day at his Grandparents' home watching the broadcast and eating dinner.

It's so amazing and wonderful to me how the closer I am to the Lord and to his spirit, the more love I feel for Him, and for Cam. My heart is so full lately that a lot of my emotion has been escaping out my eyes ;). Life is so wonderful with Cameron in it. He is always pointing me upwards, and doing everything he can to help me physically, emotionally, spiritually, everything. He is my greatest blessing and I am so excited to share eternity with him.

The joy I have felt lately is indescribable. I am so fulfilled and I know that I am loved. I really am so blessed, and I thank Heaven every moment for this immense gift that I've so graciously been given.

Yesterday I was thinking about the difficulties I was having in the spring and the opportunity that they to draw closer to the Lord; and I realized something. I realized that those experiences were preparing me for Cameron. Had I not been close to the spirit, and not had an open heart, ready to look further  than skin deep, I would not have been ready for Cameron when I met him. This is one of the few times when I am humble enough to be grateful for my supposed misfortunes.

The Lord knows exactly what we need to become our best, and if we follow him, and try to understand his plan and do it, we will be blessed beyond measure and happier than we ever imagined possible.

73 Days Down, 52 Days to Go!

Thoughts on Eternity

So I have several posts in the works, but there are just some things that I am grateful for/thinking about, and wanted to share.

1. I Love My Fiancé.

He is so good and sweet to me. He is always trying to take care of me, helping me to turn to the Lord, and and lifting me up emotionally. He never let's a day go by where he doesn't tell me how wonderful he thinks I am, or how big my heart is, or what an amazing wife and mother I will be. You get the idea. When I ask him why he's so good to me, he says something to the effect of, "I want to be with you for eternity, and if I'm not good to you now,  why would you want to be with me forever?"

2. The Lord Loves Us

"He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with His eye." (Consider the Lilies)

I have seen this so much in my life since I've met Cameron. He is so perfect for me. Yes, we have our differences, but we are able to talk about them and work past them. We are both willing to sacrifice and compromise, and focus on the multitudes of things we love about each other, our similarities, and our common goals. We have a lot of those. If the Lord could take the time to make sure that Cam and I had all the life experiences that would prepare us for each other, out of all his millions of children and important cosmic things I'm sure he has to coordinate, how amazing is that? I always believed that he loved his children, but now I have absolutely no doubt.

3. Eternity

I believe that after death our spirits continue on. Not as ghosts, but more like angels. I believe that we will continue on in this way until we are resurrected, as the Savior was, and regain our bodies, but they will be glorified and perfected, never to be separated from our spirits again. If we keep his commandments, and make covenants in his house, including the covenant and ordinance of marriage, we can be together with our families forever. This is why Cam and I have chosen to be married in the temple, by someone who holds the proper priesthood authority so seal us to each other, not just 'till death, but for eternity! How wonderful is that!

I'm so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ, for making it possible for our sins to be forgiven, that I may try every day to be better than the day before, and have hope of returning to Heaven, along with my Husband and family. 

The Engagement

Cameron and I have known that we want to get married for a while. He asked (well, tried to ask, but that's another story) my dad for my hand almost two weeks ago and we pretty much immediately started working on picking a date and colors and things, but we didn't want to go around telling people that we were engaged before he'd officially asked me. Let's just say that by the time he proposed I was more than ready to say yes.

On Thursday night we were just hanging out and he asked if I would like to go on a date next week. I thought for sure that's when he would propose then. When he was leaving he VERY casually asked if I'd like to go hiking with him the next morning so he could build up stamina for his Elders Quorum activity on Tuesday to hike the entirety of Timpanogos. I said yes before he told me that he'd be picking me up at 6:00 am. Good thing, too, because it was going to be the best hike of my life.

Friday I woke up at 5:30, after a whopping five hours of sleep. I thought vaguely as I was brushing my teeth that he's a pretty sneaky guy and might be trying to throw me off by asking me on that date for next week. I quickly brushed it aside, not because I thought I was wrong, but because the last thing I wanted was to get my hopes up only to be disappointed when we got back and I still had no ring on my finger. At multiple points throughout the hike I stopped him to point out the view and give him a hug and a kiss, and I'm sure he was getting frustrated with my dragging pace, but he didn't show it. I didn't know we were trying to do anything but get to the waterfall and turn around.

The hike was absolutely beautiful. *(I LOVE nature, especially trees and animals so this hike was perfect for me. As my mom puts it, if a woodland fairy would like it, so will I.)* Almost the entire trail was covered by beautiful green trees, there were hundreds of butterflies and honeybees, we even saw a family of wild turkey, a few chipmunks, lots of birds, and a doe! So, needless to say, I was having the time of my life.

We finally got to Stewart Falls it was an amazing. The sun was out, the air was warm, the water was cool, and the view of the river and canyon was spectacular. In the back of my mind I thought, "this is such a romantic spot, he should just propose to me right now."

He must have read my mind because a moment later he sat me down on a giant rock and handed me an envelope. Inside was this: 

Each page was a dated journal entry of memorable days we'd spent together (all written on staff paper.) *(we love reading books together)* The second to last page was this...

And that's when I was sure he was going to do it. The last page, though I wasn't quite sure what it was at the time, was lyrics to a song he had written for me, and they were so, so sweet. Then he asked if he could ask me a few questions, the first of which was, "may I have this dance?" *(we tend to spontaneously slow dance to non-existent music)* 

As we were dancing he asked if he could sing a song for me. *(We love singing, especially together. We met through choir.)* He started singing a beautiful song, the one he wrote for me, and I started... well I'm not sure what to call it. It was somewhere between laughing and crying, but I didn't have any tears. My shoulders were definitely shaking though, and I just had my face buried in his shoulder. Then he finished the song, pulled back a half step, and walked me backwards the few feet to the rock where I'd been sitting before. He sat me down and reached behind me without me noticing, and pulled the ring box out of his back pack. 

As soon as I saw him on one knee holding the little wooden box I started really crying. When he opened it and I saw the ring my hands flew to my mouth and I started sobbing. It was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. I immediately noticed the leaves and vines and knew that he knew me and loved me. *(He picked the ring all by himself)* Then he asked me one more question:

"Will you be my wife?"

I, of course, said yes. Then he asked if he could put the ring on my finger, and of course I said yes again. He slipped it on and stood up. I kissed him and held him and told him over and over that I loved him. He was crying, too.

Then we continued to cry and and laugh and look at the way the ring sparkles in the sun. Then he looked at his watch, looked me in the eye, and said, "Dana, four months from today, at this very moment, we will be waiting in the temple to be married!" *(We'd already picked our wedding date, November 20th)*

It was the most absolutely perfect proposal I could have imagined. I am so in love with him and I can't wait to be married in the temple so we can be together, not just "till death do us part," but for all eternity, even after we die. I am so grateful for his kindness and faith and love. It is so wonderful to have this constant reminder on my hand of how much he loves me, and how we get to be together forever. 

I get to marry my best friend.

5 days down, 119 to go ;)

Always Looking Out for Me

God is always looking out for me. Several weeks ago I decided that I really needed to make some kettle corn, which is done by putting popcorn, sugar, and salt in a pot with HOT oil, caramelizing and melting the sugar, and it is delicious. Unless you do something wrong, which I'm still not sure what that was last night, but the sugar started burning before the popcorn was done and some of it popped and stuck to my face as I was attempting to save it. So I had molten sugar hardening to my cheek, hot oil in my eye, AND burnt kettle corn. I ran to the sink and began trying to wash the the sugar off my face, which had already blistered, when I looked in the mirror and realized everything was blurry in my left eye. I looked closely and saw a spot on my cornea where it had been burned. Despite the mascara running down my cheeks, the pain that was probably twisting up my face as I endeavored to see, and extreme embarrassment, I went into the living room where three guys from our ward were sitting, explained the situation, and asked if they could give me a blessing.

They did this, and I was told that in due time the pain would subside and my vision would be restored. I went to bed with a bag of ice on my face praying that "due time" didn't mean very long.

The next morning I was a wreck. I couldn't focus my left eye, it felt like I'd burned the underside of my eyelid when I was blinking away hot oil, and I'd pealed a few layers of skin off my cheek with the sugar and popcorn. But lo and behold, my lovely roommate had made breakfast for her boyfriend's birthday and had plenty of extra so she shared with me and the other roomies. So sweet.

There was this boy named Cameron who I really, really liked and it was his birthday, too. I was supposed to go hiking with he and his friends but I did not feel in any way up to the task so I called him and said I'd have to cancel. He told me that the whole trip had been cancelled due to his suddenly becoming rather ill (with what we found out after several weeks and 2 trips to the doctor was bronchitis) and he wanted to stay home and rest as well.

I had already made a birthday present for him, so I gathered it up, determined to walk the one and a half miles to his house to give it to him because he was sick on his birthday, and I just really wanted to see him. But my body had other plans. I lost all energy and the will to open my left eye so I lay down on the couch and resigned myself to at least an hour of napping...which never occurred because he called shortly thereafter and said he was on his way to my apartment. On foot. To see me, on his birthday, when he was sick. He said he just couldn't stand to be inside any more and he'd promised to visit his cousin, but it later came out that he really just wanted to see me. ;)

He came over, we held hands (not for the first time), and he asked if I would like to keep dating him and only him. Let's just say I was ecstatic. We both went to the doctor the next day and I was told that my eye should be perfectly healed within the week, and was WAY ahead of schedule for a burn that severe having happened so recently.

Let me just say, the Church is true, priesthood is real, and our Father in Heaven does hear and answer our prayers. Not only pertaining to my healing, which was really miraculous, but also in his helping me find Cameron, who has already answered so may of my prayers just by being himself.

Pure Joy

I haven't been so happy in, well, ever. At least, not that I can remember. The funny thing I'm coming to realize is that I've always had the potential to be this ecstatic. My life has not gotten any easier AT ALL. I'm struggling to finish assignments well and on time, I'm losing things, I burned myself really badly, my credit card expired and my new one hasn't come yet, the list goes on and on. The only thing that has changed is my perspective.

Cue Boyfriend. ( I promise there's a point to this tangent.)

A little over a month ago an incredibly cheery guy decided to sit next to me when Men's and Women's chorus were singing together in a BYU devotional. I was having a really bad day but I tried my best to be nice. He asked for my number, friended me on facebook, but I didn't think much of it. Then a week later he asked if I'd like to go on a walk with him on Sunday afternoon. We got to talking and I realized that he had such a light! (see previous post.) He was so optimistic and we have a really similar way of seeing the world. I hardly stopped smiling the entire time I was with him. Something about his love of life and optimism was just contagious. So long story short we started seeing each other pretty frequently and going on dates until we decided that we didn't want to date anyone else and that's where we are now.

So, tangent aside, his light, spirit, and optimism have really made me want to be a better person. I saw how happy he was and when I realized that he wasn't ignoring sad things, they just didn't bother him because of how much he loved everything else, I decided "I want to be like that, too!" So, I have. I am utterly full of God's love, I do my best to recognize the little wonders all around me, and share my joy with everyone I meet. I must say, I feel fantastic. I haven't been more in love with life for such an extended period of time that I can remember, or been filled with so much gratitude.

On a side note, I've finally figured out why I couldn't go to Nauvoo! It's because, if I had gone, I would  not have had this wonderful life changing experience, or get to be dating this amazing man. Hallelujah. :)

Light

A few days ago I went to the temple with my friend Cameron (not my brother) and, while we were there, had the opportunity to reflect on the concept of light. The light I'm talking about can't really be seen with our eyes, but is more of a spiritual phenomenon.

In the scriptures Christ told us that he is the "light and the life of the world." Other places in the scriptures, as well as modern day prophets and apostles, talk about the light of Christ. I think that the closer a person is to God in behavior, desire, and communication, the more of that light he or she is given and is able to show to the rest of the world. Some people obviously "shine" brighter than others, and the more in tune with the Spirit you are the easier it is to detect this in others.

So while I was in the temple I saw a lot of youth (kids between the ages of 12-17) and it was so wonderful to see how many of them had such a light about them. They truly shone like angels, as did my friend with whom I was there. He is such a fantastic example to me.

I am so grateful for all of the many people in my life who have the light of Christ with them and do not "hide it under a bushel" (Matt 5:15). I hope that I can learn to share my light with others and help them to feel God's love for them in the way that I have been helped and strengthened.