Thursday, May 29, 2014

I Feel My Savior's Love

As a new mom I'm always busy, but I want to make sure I'm busy with the right things. It's much too easy to just pick up the iPad and play games every time I'm nursing instead of picking up a book or calling a friend or family member. I've been feeling a bit down the last few days, easily overwhelmed, short of temper: not the me I want to be.
So, a few nights ago I followed my husband's example and had a good scripture study. Not just reading a chapter, but really contemplating the meaning of what I was reading and looking for ways to apply it in my life. It felt so good. I don't know why I ever try to make excuses about why I shouldn't or can't do that.
I'm grateful for my Savior and for his love. He grants me peace and patience and inexpressible joy. I am so grateful for the many, many glorious blessings that he has given to me, and to everyone! I'm grateful for the atonement. I'm grateful that I can be with my family forever. As I was holding Sam that night, I began singing a song I learned in church when I was a little girl that touched my heart and helped me to feel the love of my Lord and Savior. I didn't know that I remembered all the words, but somehow I did and it brought me the peace that I had been seeking for days.

I feel my Savior's love
in all the world around me.
His spirit warms my soul
through everything I see.

He knows I will follow Him,
give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
The love He freely gives me.

I feel my Savior's love
It's gentleness enfolds me,
and when I kneel to pray
my heart is filled with peace.

I feel my Savior's love
and know that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart.
My shepherd he will be.

I'll share my Savior's love
by serving others freely.
In serving I am blessed
In giving I receive!

He knows I will follow Him,
give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
the love He freely gives me.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Eye Color!

Sam's eyes are starting to change color! It's much too early to tell what they will be, but at the very center of the iris there are little speckles of some color other than grey. I hope he has green eyes like his daddy, but I will love them no matter what they are!

Want to take a guess at what his eye color will be? Cast your vote in the upper right corner. I'll let you know what his eye color is as soon as we can tell for sure!

Cam's eyes are green, mine are brown.
All of Cameron's siblings have either brown or green eyes, and my siblings all have brown or blue.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

An Open Letter to my Mother

Less than three months ago I became a mother: a lifelong dream of mine. Even as a little girl I wanted to be like you, Mom. I didn't understand all you did for me, how blessed (and a little bit spoiled) I was. All I knew was that I loved you and you loved me. Your world seemed to revolve around me and that's just the way life worked. I never even thought to worry that there might be some time that you wouldn't be able to take care of me.

You showed me compassion when you had me choose some of my toys and clothes to take to children with less than me, even when we were struggling financially. You never let me know how hard it was for you and Dad to make ends meet for those few hard years. You never allowed me to carry that burden, or worry about what was coming. I had complete faith in you to make everything turn out all right.

I remember when I was four and a balloon animal that was given to me popped. I was sad until Daddy told me, "give it to Mommy, she can fix anything." I quickly learned that a popped balloon animal could not be fixed, but far from diminishing my trust in you, I learned from Dad that I could trust you with anything.

When I wanted a fabulous Halloween costume you never failed to deliver something beautiful and extraordinary. What's more, you never complained about my high expectations or the long hours spent at the sewing machine after we had all gone to bed, even when you had a young baby to take care of in the middle of the night. I thought grownups just didn't need as much sleep, and that you always stayed up late, that you liked sewing for me more than resting. Now that I have my own baby, I know what a sacrifice it must have been for you.

You listened to everything I went through, starting with the little things (ladybugs that refused to be caught, my caterpillar that wouldn't turn into a butterfly) to the huge amounts of angst I suffered in high school as I fussed over boys and bullies. You never diminished my suffering or told me to get over it. You always held me as I cried, even if moments before I had been yelling at you, or when I had totally brought my pain on myself.

You always told me that I was beautiful, that I didn't need makeup to be pretty, but you also taught me how to do my makeup and hair so that I didn't look like a clown when I tried to do it myself. Even more importantly, you taught me how to take care of my body. You always made sure that I had a "sport" to participate in and vegetables with dinner. You taught me to brush my teeth and wash my face.

You taught me patience. How did you keep your cool with five crazy kids and an oldest daughter that always needed your full attention? You taught me to love unconditionally. You showed me how to serve others, how to be kind, and how to balance my life. You helped me by not hiding your mistakes, but using them to teach me so that I wouldn't have to make the same ones to learn the lessons that would help me be a better person.

You always had faith in me. You never told me there was something I couldn't accomplish. You helped a tone-deaf, monotone little girl work her way up into a collegiate audition choir. You helped a girl who was too clumsy to skip for years to win dance competitions.

You supported me and helped me to look for my husband with spiritual eyes. When I told you in July that I wanted to be married at Thanksgiving you jumped right in with me to make the wedding happen. You were there with me on that special day, helping to make everything perfect, and you graciously passed the baton of best friend and helper to my husband.

You've laughed with me, cried with me, and never gave up on me.

And on the day you were called at four in the morning and told your grandson was coming early, you jumped on a plane and made it in time to share the most special moment of my life so far. You stayed for two weeks and mothered me again as I tried to learn to be a mother myself while recovering from the most physically traumatic thing I've been through so far.

You are an angel from Heaven. Your love, patience, and selflessness are truly divine. I thank our loving Father that he gave me to such an amazing mother to teach me how to live, and I hope that I can be as wonderful of a mommy as you are. I love you, I am so grateful for you, and twenty-almost-two years later I still want to be like you. Thank you, Mom, for everything.

Thursday, May 1, 2014


Sam is starting to experiment with talking! It is the cutest thing. If I put him down in his crib to go do something he'll start babbling to himself, or he'll respond to me when I'm talking or singing. Mostly it's just strings of vowels, but every once in a while there's a good 'h' or 'g' sound in there. It makes me smile so big. He's starting to smile more as well! He has the happiest personality and I love it. He smiled when I went to pick him up this morning, and even though I'd only gotten three hours of sleep this morning, his big grin when he first saw me made me feel so happy. It's great to feel like he loves me and appreciates what I'm doing for him.

It's so fascinating to watch him grow and learn and develop. A few weeks ago we could wave a toy in front of his face and he wouldn't even blink, and now he's fascinated with his colorful giraffe with rattles in its feet. I can't wait until he's old enough to hold onto it and shake it himself. He's also starting to put his hands in his mouth a lot, which is adorable, but reminds me that I probably need to start stocking up on toys he can put in his mouth and start babyproofing the house before he starts scooting around and "eating" books and pencils instead.

I may have mentioned this in my last post, but he also sometimes stops nursing to smile up at me and babble some adorable phrase that probably means something like, "You're the best mom in the whole world for feeding me all the time, and this milk is so good! Thank you so much, Mommy! I love you!" Or at least that's what I tell myself and it matches his level of enthusiasm.

Despite how exhausted I am, this is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. Every once in a while I think it could be nice to have a little break, but if I'm doing anything without him besides sleeping I miss my little boy so much!

I'm so grateful to have this little angel in my life and for the love I feel from him, and for the miraculous strength and energy I receive from my Father in Heaven. I see miracles every day.