Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Ramblings on Education and Motherhood.

Today I am grateful for my baby. I love him so much! Since he has started eating more solid food and sleeping better at night he seems happier and happier all the time. There are still rough moments, but his personality is blossoming and it is beautiful to see.

Recently Cameron and I have felt that we need to explore other options for grad school. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time because I will most likely have to do many years of taking classes through independent study to finish my degree if we leave. I started looking at options for graduating and for a brief moment I saw a glimpse of myself and my dear husband standing together in our graduation robes, holding our sweet little boy and walking across that stage together. It would be so wonderful, but unless they somehow decide that being a mom erases the need for completing a major, it's just not going to happen. It's hard to give up that dream. I may not ever dress in blue robes and a silly cap and shake the university presidents hand, because I will probably be graduating from somewhere far away, a long time down the road. It's really hard to just close that door but this is what I chose.

I felt strongly that having Sam when we did was what the Lord wanted for us. I still feel that way. I feel that taking a light load of classes so that most of my time can be spent in being a mother is the right thing for me. I have no regrets. I wish I could get a degree just for having a baby, but it doesn't work that way, and I know that I have chosen the best path for me. This is what the Lord has asked me to do and I will finish it.

My family comes first and foremost. I would not trade Samuel or my time with him for anything! I am so grateful for the joy and love that he brings to my life. Whenever I am tired or stressed his loving smiles and infectious giggles and his incessant babbling of "mamamamama" make everything wonderful! I love him so much and want to be my best for him. 

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