Here Comes the Sun

I love being in Women's Chorus. It brings so much joy to my life. I love the power of music to be a force for good in the world when there can be so much negativity and hardship. Life is not easy. It's not meant to be. But it is meant to be enjoyed! Don't worry, no matter how difficult your situation is, the Lord loves you, he is there for you, and there is sunshine just ahead! Just keep holding on! I promise that you can get through it.

BYU Women's Chorus

I love being in Women's Chorus. It fills me with so much joy! It doesn't matter if we're singing beautiful hymns, crazy chord clusters, fun pop songs, or if we're going super crazy nuts having fun together and pigging out, it's always a fun and uplifting experience.

Here's the commercial for our upcoming concert. Hope you can make it!!!

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zV-J_nDeFOw

Pure Joy

I haven't been so happy in, well, ever. At least, not that I can remember. The funny thing I'm coming to realize is that I've always had the potential to be this ecstatic. My life has not gotten any easier AT ALL. I'm struggling to finish assignments well and on time, I'm losing things, I burned myself really badly, my credit card expired and my new one hasn't come yet, the list goes on and on. The only thing that has changed is my perspective.

Cue Boyfriend. ( I promise there's a point to this tangent.)

A little over a month ago an incredibly cheery guy decided to sit next to me when Men's and Women's chorus were singing together in a BYU devotional. I was having a really bad day but I tried my best to be nice. He asked for my number, friended me on facebook, but I didn't think much of it. Then a week later he asked if I'd like to go on a walk with him on Sunday afternoon. We got to talking and I realized that he had such a light! (see previous post.) He was so optimistic and we have a really similar way of seeing the world. I hardly stopped smiling the entire time I was with him. Something about his love of life and optimism was just contagious. So long story short we started seeing each other pretty frequently and going on dates until we decided that we didn't want to date anyone else and that's where we are now.

So, tangent aside, his light, spirit, and optimism have really made me want to be a better person. I saw how happy he was and when I realized that he wasn't ignoring sad things, they just didn't bother him because of how much he loved everything else, I decided "I want to be like that, too!" So, I have. I am utterly full of God's love, I do my best to recognize the little wonders all around me, and share my joy with everyone I meet. I must say, I feel fantastic. I haven't been more in love with life for such an extended period of time that I can remember, or been filled with so much gratitude.

On a side note, I've finally figured out why I couldn't go to Nauvoo! It's because, if I had gone, I would  not have had this wonderful life changing experience, or get to be dating this amazing man. Hallelujah. :)

A Heart Like His

A while back, in the middle of a rather emotionally difficult trial, I realized that I was closing my heart. I was trying to block out the pain and anger I was feeling, but all that the walls seemed to be keeping out was love and joy. I was utterly apathetic. I hate being apathetic. I'm a really emotional person, and so to feel nothing is strange and uncomfortable and depressing. I like myself best when I smile at myself in the mirror and sing no matter what I'm doing, not being the sullen, jaded, spiteful little girl I occasionally let myself become. The morning after I discovered this and decided that I needed to change my heart, a girl in Women's Chorus gave us a beautiful devotional. I don't remember what she said, but the spirit touched me through her words as she told us about her experience reading a book, A Heart Like His by Virginia H Pearce, and told me that I needed to open my heart, I needed a heart like my Savior's.

After the devotional we began to rehearse. We were singing an arrangement of the Hymn "Lord I Would Follow Thee," with two new verses.

Stir my heart with love's compassion,
When in weakness I withhold.
I would heal as thou hast healed me,
Comfort, strengthen, and enfold.
Stir my heart with love's compassion,
Lord, I would follow Thee.

Precious, fleeting is my time here.
Whisper wisdom to my mind,
Courage when my heart is aching,
Faith when fear is all I find.
Precious fleeting is my time here,
Lord, I would follow Thee.

As we sang them, tears started to flow as I felt for the first time the truth and importance of those words.   I could finally feel. I knew that my Father loved me, that I was the one that had pushed him away, and I needed to change.

It was difficult at first, to try to allow the walls to fall, because I was certain that the first thing I would feel was pain, but I was simultaneously given love and joy. I found myself smiling and singing again, and it was lovely. It was also hard, and I still felt rather hopeless at times. Although I felt that I should stay in Provo for the summer I almost gave up and went home, because it is so nice to be taken care of and surrounded by family, and so hard to feel alone, but God gave me the strength and courage I needed to do His will as I asked for it.

It has been a long road, and I know there is still a very long way to go before I can even come close to having a heart like the Lord's, but as soon as I let Him in, He has been with me every step of the way and giving me comfort. I love Him, and my Father in Heaven so very much, and I am so grateful for all that they have given to me.

My Wonderful Family

I love my family. They are so amazing. We may be a quirky, nerdy, silly, eclectic group, but we know how to laugh and we know how to love. I got to skype with my family today, and it was fantastic. I miss them so much, and really wish I lived closer to home. Or that they lived closer to here.

I love that we all love music and make it together. I love that my little brother is enough of a man to make up for the fact that he's the only boy out of five kids, and that he's willing to put up with the rest of our girly ways.

I love that we're such comedians. I think we inherited it from my dad... actually I'm positive. He's hilarious, and I love it. I don't think we had more than one or two conversations over Christmas break that didn't end with me crying from laughter. I love laughing, and I love being happy, and I'm so grateful for my family's ability to help me stay that way.

I love that we have so many common interests, and also so many different ones. For example, we've all played soccer, all of the girls have taken dance classes, and we all sing or play an instrument. Cameron is a PRO beatboxer. He and my sister Sarah frequently do spontaneous dubstep arrangements, and it's awesome. It drives Mary crazy, who much prefers her classical piano and flute (she's a prodigy--absolutely amazing at everything she tries), and Lizzie just goes crazy dancing and singing to any music being made or played on the computer.

My parents are wonderful. They are such hard workers, and so kind and generous to others. My dad is such an amazing example of patience and love. I've rarely seen a man look at a woman with so much love as I see on my dad's face when he comes home. I want to marry someone who looks at me that way.

Besides always being there for me to talk to, and offer advice, I love how good of a cook my mom is, and how she's taught me her magical ways in the art of perfect baking. Not only does everything that comes out of her kitchen taste good, but it looks amazing as well! She's a wizard. No lie.

I'm so grateful for the examples ALL of the members of my family set for me, and that even though I'm 2,000 miles away, I can stay in contact with them and have the promise of being with them forever.

Lost My Voice

Backstory: As a child in primary* I learned sign language for three different songs, only one and a half of which I really remember. I think it is beautiful to watch people "sing" in sign language, although I personally would much rather sing aloud.

Today I woke up and I could barely talk. Losing my voice is usually really disheartening for me. Not only is it hard to talk, but I can't sing. I considered staying home from church. It wasn't just my voice, I felt a little feverish and my nose was stuffy, but then I decided that if I was well enough to go to school, I should go to church. Only, not being able to sing along with the hymns is so terribly depressing.

Under normal circumstances I would try to sing though it even though it hurts and would leave my voice in worse condition , (I know, shame on me for being so short-sighted) but I have a choir concert later this week, and lip-syncing in a performance is even worse than in church.

All through sacrament meeting I was hoping and praying that we would sing one of the hymns that I knew the sign language for, but they didn't come. Disappointed, but relieved to not have to worry about it anymore for at least an hour, I went to sunday school. The teacher suggested we start with a song (unusual) and I was sad... until he picked one of the ones I knew in sign language! I happily mouthed the words and signed as gracefully as I could, considering I hadn't done it since I was ten.

When I got to Relief Society, I was grateful that I had gotten to sign one song, and opened my hymn book, prepared to sit silently. It was the second song that I knew the signs for! I was ecstatic. It was a happy, happy blessing for me to be able to participate even though my voice is in very poor quality right now.

*the explanation of "primary" is at the very bottom of the linked page.

There's So Much to Be Thankful for

I am so blessed to have so many good friends around me when my life doesn't go as planned. It is seriously so nice to not be left alone to wallow in my disappointment (except for when I'm studying in the Library :P ) I was rejected for an audition that I had really hoped to at least go to callbacks for, and had been really excited for, and so I was pretty bummed to find out that I don't get to go. Despite my sadness, I seriously had someone supporting me from the moment I found out.

First it was the nice guy I sit next to in English who offered to let me borrow his computer to read the email when my AirPort quit, and then walked me halfway to my next class to make sure I was ok. After that class I ran in to two very good friends who I rarely see, who gave me big hugs and were totally sympathetic.

After that I had a break from class so I decided to go to the Creamery and get supplies for cookies, because baking is what I do when I'm sad. It was nice to be able to just go for a walk, and the anticipation for the cookies was quite exciting. My last class was latin, and I got to dance Cha cha with fun guys for almost an hour, which was fantastic and super fun.

Instead of going straight home, I talked to my family for a bit, and then snuck into the Men's Chorus rehearsal with a few friends, just to listen. Oh, how I love Men's Chorus! They always brighten my day.

When I got back to my apartment I was greeted by a BIG hug from my wonderful roommate Brianna, with whom I ate dinner, watched a CHEEZY Hallmark Christmas movie, and made cookies! As the rest of my roommates came home they were all so sweet and kind and kept assuring me that it wasn't because of my talent level that I wasn't accepted. I went to go to a friend's house and watch my favorite TV show, Psych, and my friends there were just as fantastic, giving me lots of love, encouragement, and snuggles.

This morning, I woke up with a package sitting in front of my door, filled with my favorite candy and snacks. Taped to the front was the sweetest card from my wonderful roommate Rachel and her boyfriend. It was a great start to my day.

I went to campus to study, and for some reason was having trouble being optimistic. I was down on myself, and low on faith. I texted my good friend Nathaniel and asked if he'd be willing to go get ice cream with me, and he said yes. He gave me the biggest hug and was working so hard to make me smile, and I really appreciated it. He payed for my ice cream, despite my protests, and then took me bowling. When we finished our game he pulled me out onto the lanes and started swing dancing. I think that was probably the biggest I've smiled in a while. I LOVE spontaneous dancing.

After we were done we went caroling with with some of the members of Men's and Women's chorus in Brigham Square, and it was super fun... and that was about the end of my happy related things for the day. I had to go back to studying and test taking after that, but I am still sooo grateful to all of the people who have been a part of lifting me up and not allowing me to sulk around feeling sorry for myself. I love you all :)

Women's Chorus

Once again, or I suppose as always, I am ever so grateful for Women's Chorus. I love the music that we make, the sisterhood we share, and the strength we can offer each other. I very, very rarely leave feeling down or upset with myself, although I'm generally kind of sad to leave. All of these are wonderful, but my very favorite thing about Women's Chorus is the spirit and the testimony that each girl brings that allows us to have the Holy Ghost with us as we sing, and to share our testimonies with others.

This past week we were blessed with the incredible opportunity to sing with all of the BYU audition choirs at devotional when Thomas S Monson, the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Prophet of the Lord came to speak. It was such an amazing experience. The spirit was so strong, and I received a stronger testimony that Thomas S Monson is in fact a prophet of God who receives revelation on our behalf and who loves us. I love him, although I have never had the opportunity to meet him in person. I am so blessed to be a part of this wonderful community at BYU, and to interact with the people in the choirs, and to sit at the feet of prophets and apostles and be taught the words of God. I am so grateful that I was able to get in to this university and Women's Chorus and to have all of these wonderful experiences.

Women's Chorus

I am so grateful that I get to be in Women's Chorus. It is a wonderful, wonderful place where I feel safe to drop my emotional burdens at the door and spend an entire every day stretching myself becoming a stronger singer, and also praising and drawing closer to my Father in Heaven. We are asked at the beginning of the year to promise to live our lives in such a way that we can have the spirit with us, not only during rehearsals, but in performances so that we can reach out to those listening, as well as each other. We are all sisters within our Choir, and it is such a phenomenal experience to be able to sing, and praise, and love with these beautiful women.

My room mates, my classes, my testimony

It has become a lot harder for me to find the time to post, now that school has started, but I'm determined to keep this up. So far I have been loving my classes, I just hope I can keep my motivation up. I decided to add two dance classes to my schedule, which I am excited for, but I hope that they don't effect my productivity for the worse. I am so grateful for my room mates. They are all so sweet and kind, and do so much to help me feel included. I love them already. I can tell that we're going to have a great time this year.

My favorite class so far has been New Testament. My teacher is so passionate, not just about the secular, historical part, but also about the religion. He brings the spirit into the class before he even steps up to the podium, and not only teaches, but preaches with a strong, authoritative testimony of our Lord. It is absolutely amazing to be his pupil and to have the opportunity to be here at this university where I have the chance to be taught and study with people who share my devotion, faith, and passion for the Gospel of Christ. I know that He lives, that he loves me, and I will gladly sing His praise every day of my life. I am so grateful for the love that my Heavenly Father has shown me in my youth, not only because of the joy and comfort it gives me, but so that I can share it with others.

2 Timothy 1:7-8

As long as we live, there is never enough singing

This past week I was a counselor at my high school's choir camp, and, oh my goodness, I had so much fun. We sang for about 6 hours a day, which I loved. In fact, I loved almost everything about it. I loved the square dance, the beautiful lake and woods, the people I was with, the music we sang, the girls in my cabin, my co-counselor and all the other counselors, spending all my time with friends, helping with the dance class, riding in the golf cart, making new friends, having all my siblings there, and did I mention singing? The only thing I did not like was the food. It was not very good at all.

One thing I really liked, but that most people didn't, was the presence of mice and chipmunks in the cabins. I have this odd fantasy thing where I'm Snow White and friends with all the woodland animals, and they sing with me and we have lots of fun. I thought they were adorable, but everyone else was kind of scared of them, which I thought was sad.

The weather was beautiful while we were there, which was a pleasant surprise as it is usually quite cold. At night the moon was always super bright which was fun, and you could see the stars very well. The lake looked beautiful in the moonlight, once you got out of the mildly creepy woods and on to the open path.

I was really grateful for this opportunity, and regardless of whether or not I get to do it again, I'll always be happy that I got to go this year.

Last Post for a Little While

I'll be going to choir camp tomorrow, and it should be super fun, but for some reason I feel like staying home. Its only about two weeks until I go back to BYU and I'm really going to miss my family, old friends, and new friends from the singles ward. I wish I could bring them all with me, because I really love BYU but I don't like that scary period of time where I don't know anyone in my classes or ward. I'm excited though, for camp and school. I'm really grateful that I got to come home for the summer, and for all the time I got to spend with my family, and that I have the means to attend BYU. Can't wait to see all my friends there :)

Owl City

On my birthday my mom took Sarah, Cameron, and me to Owl City's concert in Detroit and it was AWESOME!!!!! I love the fact that Adam Young writes ALL of his songs, and they're all so sweet and innocent. They're mostly electronic and upbeat, but when he performed live, he made them more like alternative rock, with more electric guitar than keyboard. It was pretty hype :) He also has quite a few songs Christiany songs that are super fun to listen to, and also really spiritual.

Adam's blog is also awesome. Its really funny most of the time, and the rest of the time its just really pleasant to read. He talks a lot about how much he loves nature and the Lord, so I think we'd get along pretty well. In a nutshell, I love Adam Young! As an artist. I obviously don't actually know him, but I think we could be good friends if I did.

Thank you for the wonderful birthday present Mommy :)

And happy 4th of July! :)

D&C 98:8 I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free.

My Mother

Today I am especially grateful for my mom. I can be a pain in the butt sometimes, especially when she wants me to wake up relatively early even though we stayed up until 1:30 the night before and I have a gift for sleeping until my body says its not tired anymore. Or the fact I have a tendency to procrastinate and get distracted by anything sparkly or fluffy and thereby give my mom a heart attack because I cut my deadlines too close. No matter how many times I do all of this dumb stuff, she is always there for me with a hug and a smile, and whatever comfort I happen to need at the time.

My mom is incredibly smart and can read me like an open book, even more so than others can. She can always tell when I need to "refocus" on spiritual things because I am getting to caught up in the little things that don't make any difference in the long run. Last week I was stewing over something that I really couldn't control, which was in turn affecting my productivity. Because my mom is a super hero and always knows what to do, she took me over to the piano and handed me a hymn book and opened it to page 124: Be Still My Soul. It is one of my favorite hymns and says basically that we don't need to worry about what happens to us, or what the future holds, because the LORD will take care of us. It really helped me to put this tiny trial in perspective and remember to turn to the one person who knows what I am going through and has the power and the knowledge to guide me through it.

I love my mom so much and I am so grateful to her for all she does for me.

Music

I've had so much to be grateful for lately, and yet I've managed to be in a grumpy mood, which is really dumb of me to let such little things get me down when I am so blessed. One thing that always helps me get out of these funks is music. Last year I had the privilege of being in the BYU Women's Chorus and we sang some AMAZING spiritual music, which I now have recordings of, and nothing helps me to feel more at peace and close to my Father in Heaven when I am having a bad day than listening to, and singing along with that music. It brings me so close to the Lord to really think about the meanings of the songs and pour my own testimony into them as I sing.