Feeling Grateful Today

Being a mom is really time consuming, and mind consuming, and all consuming. I hardly think about anything else, ever (which is why I really ought to be reviewing ASL right now instead of writing this, but it's nice to do something just for fun.)

I love my life. Goodness, I get tired sometimes, like all-the-times, but it is so wonderful! I am so grateful for my Father in Heaven who strengthens me. There are many moments, like yesterday morning, when I am too tired to even think about moving but I say a little prayer and He helps me to keep pushing on without falling over or dropping my baby, and then blesses me with a nap!

I'm also so grateful for my husband who is so supportive and helpful. Even though he has a sprained ankle and a cold and is taking the GRE this weekend he still takes the time to help me and just sit and talk and make me feel loved!

I am also so grateful for my little angel baby. He is so wonderful. Yesterday was tough, I think he might be catching whatever I have, but his little smiles and giggles make me so happy. No matter what burdens I am carrying, his smile lightens them instantly. Motherhood is amazing. I can't even begin to describe how much I have grown, especially emotionally. I've always had a pretty low threshold for stress and sleep deprivation (anyone who knew me in high school can tell you I got sick all the time) but I have been strengthened in my mind and body. I've learned how to keep pushing, to just take one more step, and then another, and another, until I'm running full speed again. It truly is a miracle.

I'm so grateful for all my friends and family, for their love and support, and for the joy it gives me to know that I am not alone.

I'm grateful for baby bouncers and bagels with strawberry cream cheese.

I'm grateful for baby giggles and kind strangers and windows that open.

I'm grateful for sunshine, I'm grateful for rain, I'm grateful for this beautiful place I live in that I used to think was a barren desert. I'm grateful that my mind can change!

I'm grateful for my tiny apartment that has a full sized stove, oven, and refrigerator. I'm grateful for the concrete floors covered in cheap linoleum and million year old carpet that don't creak when I'm putting my baby down to sleep.

I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for my family members that I have known who have passed away. I'm grateful for their examples, and for the love I still feel from them.

I'm grateful for my faith: for my knowledge of a life after this where we can have a second chance and can be with our families again. I'm grateful for a merciful God who loves me, and all of us, more than anything!

I am grateful that happiness is a choice!

What Makes America Beautiful

America is beautiful because of what it stands for.
Or, at least, what it used to stand for.
For years, America was the place others in the world would look to for acceptance, for hope, for a chance to start over. It was the great melting pot. A place founded on principles of religious freedom. A place to escape oppression, hatred, and tyranny.

I personally was touched by the Coca Cola super bowl ad. I thought it showed the diversity of culture, faith, and race that sets our country apart, that makes it special. I've heard comments about this ad saying things like "the language of terrorism," or "my soldier didn't die for those people." The only "language of terrorism" is hate. I am so sorry for anyone that has lost a loved one to war, but I hope that they fought and died for the freedom of those they loved, as well as many that they didn't know. Like those in the revolutionary or civil wars, I hope they died so that others could be free from oppression, enslavement, and cruelty. America is supposed to be the place where we can escape these things, not where we face them.

Please, for all our sakes, let's put a stop to this racism, religion-ism, language-ism, any type of oppression, bullying, and hatred. We may disagree on many points, but that doesn't mean that we can't get along. We may worship God differently from each other, or not at all, we may vote differently, we may have completely different lifestyles, but that is what makes America so wonderful.

As long as we're able to love each other, America is beautiful.

BYU Women's Chorus

I love being in Women's Chorus. It fills me with so much joy! It doesn't matter if we're singing beautiful hymns, crazy chord clusters, fun pop songs, or if we're going super crazy nuts having fun together and pigging out, it's always a fun and uplifting experience.

Here's the commercial for our upcoming concert. Hope you can make it!!!

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zV-J_nDeFOw

Pure Joy

I haven't been so happy in, well, ever. At least, not that I can remember. The funny thing I'm coming to realize is that I've always had the potential to be this ecstatic. My life has not gotten any easier AT ALL. I'm struggling to finish assignments well and on time, I'm losing things, I burned myself really badly, my credit card expired and my new one hasn't come yet, the list goes on and on. The only thing that has changed is my perspective.

Cue Boyfriend. ( I promise there's a point to this tangent.)

A little over a month ago an incredibly cheery guy decided to sit next to me when Men's and Women's chorus were singing together in a BYU devotional. I was having a really bad day but I tried my best to be nice. He asked for my number, friended me on facebook, but I didn't think much of it. Then a week later he asked if I'd like to go on a walk with him on Sunday afternoon. We got to talking and I realized that he had such a light! (see previous post.) He was so optimistic and we have a really similar way of seeing the world. I hardly stopped smiling the entire time I was with him. Something about his love of life and optimism was just contagious. So long story short we started seeing each other pretty frequently and going on dates until we decided that we didn't want to date anyone else and that's where we are now.

So, tangent aside, his light, spirit, and optimism have really made me want to be a better person. I saw how happy he was and when I realized that he wasn't ignoring sad things, they just didn't bother him because of how much he loved everything else, I decided "I want to be like that, too!" So, I have. I am utterly full of God's love, I do my best to recognize the little wonders all around me, and share my joy with everyone I meet. I must say, I feel fantastic. I haven't been more in love with life for such an extended period of time that I can remember, or been filled with so much gratitude.

On a side note, I've finally figured out why I couldn't go to Nauvoo! It's because, if I had gone, I would  not have had this wonderful life changing experience, or get to be dating this amazing man. Hallelujah. :)

Family

I've had a LOT of little, and a few not so little, things piling up lately, and although I have been keeping my head above water, it's just barely. I sadly have not been turning to the Lord as much as I should, but General Conference came just in time, and gave me an opportunity to spend the entire weekend with my family.

I am so grateful for my family. I love them so much, and am so grateful for the way they are consistently willing to do everything they can for me. I love how much love I feel when I go to their homes. I love being cared for, and having the opportunity to care for them in turn, instead of being alone.

My sweet, sweet cousin Taelor, who is a whopping three years old, voluntarily sang me a lullaby and tucked me into bed before she was sent upstairs to bed sunday night, and then came and woke me up in the morning, announcing that it was breakfast time and helped be to select the best options from the pantry.

I am so grateful for this, and for other expressions of love I've received over the last few days, and my whole life, from my wonderful family. Thank you all so very much :)

Thank you also to my friends who treat me like family--who consistently take care of me, love me, and support me. You're the best!

Choices

I've been faced with a lot of choices lately, and as my mom can tell you, I don't like making big decisions. It got to the point where all I wanted to do was sit in my bed and mope and think about how hard everything was. (which is not in any way helpful just in case you were wondering.) I was staring my problems in the face and waiting for them to go away, but it just wasn't happening.

I was going through my New Testament notes one day and I saw something that had stood out to me before, but I had failed to take to heart. It said that to find peace we have to stop looking at our problems and look at the solution: our Savior.

I realized that I hadn't been really accepting my Father in Heaven's help, even though I'd been on my knees asking for it. I was too proud to let go of my anger and pain so that He could take it. Once I realized this, I went straight to my knees, apologized for my stubbornness, and asked for help to be humble and to have the courage to do what I knew what was right. I then got up and made the biggest choice: to be happy. I told myself that I was so blessed and had nothing to be upset about. I was done with Pity Parties and pouting, and I was going to be cheerful and grateful for everything I had. It didn't matter what I lacked, because I have a Father in Heaven that loves me and a Savior that gave his life for me so that I could return to Heaven. I have a loving family here on Earth, fantastic friends, and everything necessary to life. What more could I ask for?

I recognized that this was easier said than done, so I told my roommates and close friends my resolution, and that if I were upset about anything trivial that they were to give me a hug and tell me to stop worrying about it because everything is wonderful. The surprising thing is that I haven't even been tempted to mope around my house since then (about a week ago.) My problems aren't gone, but with an eternal perspective they look so much smaller. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for his love and help and for enabling me to live in a happy way.

"Whenever God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window"

Whenever you open yourself up to let someone in, it makes you more vulnerable, more fragile, and sometimes it stinks. Everything seems bigger than it is, and I'm already gifted in making a mountain out of a molehill, so it feels like Everest is staring me in the face. I just have to say "oh well" and start climbing. Today has been one of those days

Thankfully, I have been given wonderful friends. Not only did I have friends spontaneously talk to me, leading to fun times, last night, but I had a wonderful time in church in preparation for my not-so-great afternoon. My beautiful next door neighbors took me in, since my room mates are gone. They talked to me, and distracted me, and invited me to stay for dinner as well! They are so sweet. My gorgeous friend Michelle also called me and wants to do something fun to help me get my mind off of the sad thing.

The Lord has also helped me to try and look outwards during this itty-bitty trial, and to think momentarily of others. This is hard, but when I do it, I always feel better. I'm grateful for the promptings of the Holy Ghost to care for others and their hardships.

♥ Friends ♥

I am grateful for my friends. I'm grateful for their ability to patiently help me remember what I need to do to smile, and that I'm not failing just because I don't have a constant grin on my face, and helping to make that grin more frequently seen. I'm grateful that they let me vent to them occasionally, or frequently as the case may be, and for being so kind to me. I love you all :)

My room mates, my classes, my testimony

It has become a lot harder for me to find the time to post, now that school has started, but I'm determined to keep this up. So far I have been loving my classes, I just hope I can keep my motivation up. I decided to add two dance classes to my schedule, which I am excited for, but I hope that they don't effect my productivity for the worse. I am so grateful for my room mates. They are all so sweet and kind, and do so much to help me feel included. I love them already. I can tell that we're going to have a great time this year.

My favorite class so far has been New Testament. My teacher is so passionate, not just about the secular, historical part, but also about the religion. He brings the spirit into the class before he even steps up to the podium, and not only teaches, but preaches with a strong, authoritative testimony of our Lord. It is absolutely amazing to be his pupil and to have the opportunity to be here at this university where I have the chance to be taught and study with people who share my devotion, faith, and passion for the Gospel of Christ. I know that He lives, that he loves me, and I will gladly sing His praise every day of my life. I am so grateful for the love that my Heavenly Father has shown me in my youth, not only because of the joy and comfort it gives me, but so that I can share it with others.

2 Timothy 1:7-8

I'll fly away...

I just saw someone who I haven't seen in years and it made. my. day. I was feeling a little grumpy and sullen and all those unpleasant words when I literally ran into him on the stairs. My mood is considerably brighter and I feel that all of the things making me grumpy have vanished, leaving me weightless! Partly due to the delicious Jamba currently entering my rumbly tumbly, but mostly due to seeing an old friend. I'm going to try out my new-found wings and fly away. Have a lovely day :)

Saying Goodbye

Goodbyes have never been something I've enjoyed. I don't like having to leave the people I care about, or have them leave me, even if its only for a few months. I enjoy face to face communication so much more than talking on the phone, or texting, or facebook, or whatever. It's almost harder for me to leave for college the second time knowing how hard it was for me last time, and having grown closer to more people here in Michigan, and having so many of my BYU friends leave on missions. I'm not as excited to go back to school as I should be, but I just have to look forward instead of backwards.

I am grateful that none of my goodbyes have been for forever. As far as I know, I will have the chance to see all of my friends again in this life, and even for my family members who have passed away, I have the promise of seeing them again in the life after this. I am so grateful for the faith that I have and for the knowledge of God's plan for us, so that I don't have to be so afraid of saying farewell, because I know that it is never forever.

Last Post for a Little While

I'll be going to choir camp tomorrow, and it should be super fun, but for some reason I feel like staying home. Its only about two weeks until I go back to BYU and I'm really going to miss my family, old friends, and new friends from the singles ward. I wish I could bring them all with me, because I really love BYU but I don't like that scary period of time where I don't know anyone in my classes or ward. I'm excited though, for camp and school. I'm really grateful that I got to come home for the summer, and for all the time I got to spend with my family, and that I have the means to attend BYU. Can't wait to see all my friends there :)

This is a world of dreams and reverie, where I felt the stars explode around me

I love the stars, I love staying out late just to talk, I love fireflies, I love pizza, I love good conversation, and I love feeling like myself, and not like I have to change anything about who I am or what I feel. I don't love that my car, like Mr. Bunbury, really needs to make up its mind whether to live or die and then commit to doing so. I got to experience all of these awesome things (and one not-so-awesome thing) last night. It was a really good night. You see my face? ... no? well, its a happy face :)

Family

I'm really grateful for my family. My immediate family is wonderful and I love them to bits, and they always love and support me. We have our moments of disagreement and such, but we always make up for it later. They're patient with all of my short comings (which are many) and help me work through my problems.

I'm also really grateful for my "family" that I'm not related to: the people who always loves, support, and accept me even though they're not obligated to in any way. One really great example of this the entire DeVries family. They are always so kind to me, and I never feel as if I'm unwanted when I'm around them. They're seriously like my second family and I love them so, so much that it sometimes makes me cry because I just don't have enough room for all that love in my heart. I don't know what I'd do without them.

I'm so grateful for all of my friends that have loved and supported me throughout my life and who continue to do so. I love you all :)

Baby Abigail

A few weeks ago I got to visit my wonderful friends Jessica and Doug, and their new baby girl! I love their little family, and she is just so cute :) I even got to hold her! I miss having their family close by, but an hour away isn't too bad.

here's a picture :)

ps, I LOVE babies :)

Speaking in Church, and other chenanigans

Today I had the great opportunity to speak in church. Most people wouldn't claim to love this, and despite the rush I get from performing, public speaking is still not something I particularly enjoy. I do, however, love preparing to give a talk.

For my friends who are not LDS, the main service where everyone sits in pews and we take the sacrament is only the first hour of church. Instead of having one sermon by our bishop, we generally have two or three members of the congregation speak on the same topic, like "coming to know the Savior by diligently learning of him," which is what I spoke on today.

I love preparing a talk because I am more enthusiastic about my scripture study, and have a particular focus in mind besides simply reading. I always feel and increase of the spirit in my life as I strive even harder to live the principles I am going to convey, and a greater understanding of the doctrine of our Lord. My testimony is stronger, and so is my love for the Savior and all of his children.

I had a lot of really fun stuff happen this week. First off, I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter! It was fantastic :) I'm really glad that I didn't read the book over again before I saw it, so the little differences didn't bother me so much, and I just tried to think of it as separate from the book. (SPOILER ALLERT) I was kind of sad that it was ending, and I totally cried for pretty much the rest of the movie after Harry showed up at Hogwarts and stood up to Snape. They also did a really great job of making Snape look like a good guy, which I needed. I still had trouble reconciling the Snape I hated when I was little, with the hero of the last book. I've decided that Snape is a Byronic Hero, but don't ask me what that means, I can't quite remember the definition. :P

I also got a mini package from my friend who is on his mission. Inside there were 51 pictures. and that's it. I loved it :)

Lastly, I got to spend an afternoon with my wonderful friend Michael, who I've known for seven years. We don't agree on everything, but we really get each other and I just love spending time with him :) He's always there for me whenever I'm going through a rough time, sometimes with flowers and chocolate :)

Owl City

On my birthday my mom took Sarah, Cameron, and me to Owl City's concert in Detroit and it was AWESOME!!!!! I love the fact that Adam Young writes ALL of his songs, and they're all so sweet and innocent. They're mostly electronic and upbeat, but when he performed live, he made them more like alternative rock, with more electric guitar than keyboard. It was pretty hype :) He also has quite a few songs Christiany songs that are super fun to listen to, and also really spiritual.

Adam's blog is also awesome. Its really funny most of the time, and the rest of the time its just really pleasant to read. He talks a lot about how much he loves nature and the Lord, so I think we'd get along pretty well. In a nutshell, I love Adam Young! As an artist. I obviously don't actually know him, but I think we could be good friends if I did.

Thank you for the wonderful birthday present Mommy :)

And happy 4th of July! :)

D&C 98:8 I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free.

Friends make me smile!

I am so grateful for my friends. Some of them I've known almost my whole life and still keep in contact with, and some of them I was really close to for a short amount of time and we don't really talk much anymore, which is sad, but I am very grateful to all of them. I am so blessed to have so many people in my life that are always there for me and with whom I can talk about anything at all and they are always willing to listen and offer advice. We all share varying amounts of personal interests and beliefs, but I enjoy spending time with all of them. I am so glad that I am not one of those people you see in movies who doesn't like their "friends" and dreads seeing them. I am quite the opposite. I love talking to and seeing my friends, whether its in person, or via Skype, phone, facebook, or otherwise.