Graduation and Moving On

It's been forever since I've posted. I've been so busy with moving plans, finishing last semester, getting sick multiple times, yeah it's been pretty crazy. But also crazy awesome! Cameron Graduated from BYU! I'm so very proud of him. I have to admit it was really hard for me to be sitting in the audience during graduation and not next to my wonderful husband, wearing the cap and gown. I almost lost it a few times when well meaning friends and relatives kept bringing up that I wasn't done yet. I wanted to walk across that stage. I wanted to feel like all of the sacrifices I've made for my education and family were worth while. I wanted so badly to be done with this phase of trying to live two lives--stay at home mom and student. It's hard. It wasn't what I had planned.

But I got through it, and I'm trying hard to accept the plans the Lord has for me. I read a great quote today by Bonnie L. Oscarson: "If it is the Lord's plan, it should be our plan, too!" I have been selfish and thinking about me and what I've wanted and "why don't my plans ever work out?" But if I turn to the Lord and make his plans what I'm most concerned about then I will be a lot happier, because his plans are the ones that happen!

In my ideal world I would be graduated now and I'd be moving on to a time of life without homework instead of taking spring classes to try and finish as much as I can before we move in the fall, but I know that God is in control. I know that he gives me trials so that I can grow, and I need to be more grateful for what I do have. When we have hard times in our lives, we need to decide if we are going to become bitter or better. Lately I've been bitter, but now I want to be better!

I choose to look at my circumstances with gratitude! I choose to be happy, even when circumstances are not what I want them to be! I choose to be my best self.

I am so grateful for my family! I am grateful for my husband and all the sacrifices that he makes for Sam and me. I am grateful for Sam and would never ever exchange him for a college degree. I love him with all my heart and know that starting our family when we did was the right thing to do for us! It may not be easy, but it is absolutely glorious!

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father for his love and support. I am so grateful for how patient he is with my constant shortcomings. I love him and hope I can keep trying to become more like him!

How We've Built a Fight-Free Marriage

I've asked myself many times why my husband and I don't fight. (And honestly, we have never fought.) My answer used to be "because we love each other," but I know that some couples who love each other do fight. So what's the difference for us? I think it boils down to a quote by Gordon B Hinckley: "True love is not so much a matter of romance, but of anxious concern for the well being of one's companion." It's about putting your spouse's happiness and well being above your own.

Romance is exhilarating and wonderful--it's a key factor in falling in love--but that's not all that love is. That initial excitement can ebb and flow. It's hard to have that newlywed-giddiness for very long once life starts happening, but if your focus and concern is more for your spouse's well being, and less for your need to be wooed, then it's easy to love and serve them. You're less likely to say something offensive, or to take offense at something that your spouse might say if you're thinking of their happiness first.

Cameron and I have had disagreements, and we've had moments of hurt. There have been times when we have accidentally said or done things that upset the other, but we've always chosen to be kind and understanding in those moments. When we see that the other person is upset, we fight the natural inclination to get defensive and instead do what we can to comfort each other and find out what we did wrong and how we can do better in the future.

Common phrases in our day-to-day conversations are "How can I be a better husband/wife?" "What can I do for you?" and "How can I help you be happy today?" When the other person answers, we try hard to remember what they say and to do it. Putting our focus on the other person helps us to focus less on ourselves or our wants, and more on our spouse's needs.

If we have needs we make them known so that our spouse can help us fill them, but we try to do more for the other person. In doing this, we have pretty much eliminated any desire to fight or hurt each other emotionally.

This selfless love is what enables us to work through disagreements and misunderstandings peacefully and happily. Our marriage is not perfect--sometimes we make mistakes or get upset with each other; but because we value each other's happiness we let go of the little things and respectfully and carefully discuss things that shouldn't be ignored.

Another thing that helps us is prayer. We pray to be better spouses--to be understanding and loving and to be able to recognize each other's needs. We also pray for each other, both in our personal prayers and when we pray as a couple. Praying out loud for each other is very strengthening for our relationship. It is beneficial for the person speaking because as you thank God for the person you love, you think of all the reasons you do love them and your love is deepened. It also grows as you pray for God to help them with their problems and struggles. This helps you to feel compassion for them. Praying for your spouse at all will benefit them, but for them to hear your words of gratitude for them, and your pleas for help on their behalf can help them to see how much you love them, to realize that you listen and care about what they're going through, and can help soften their heart and love you even more.

Putting God first, and then our spouse's happiness and well being above our own is the best way that my husband and I have found for keeping our marriage happy and strong. Despite some hard life events, our love and marriage continue to grow stronger and deeper every day. I am so grateful for that!

Random Update on Our Life

I haven't written in forever. School has been very busy, being a mom has been busy, realizing that plans for six months from now will probably change drastically (No, we're not pregnant)
so, blogging falls by the wayside.

But life has been full of so many blessings!

Samuel continues to grow. He hasn't gained much weight recently, my milk supply has probably gone down since he has to take a bottle most days that I'm at school, but we caught it early and the doctor is helping us get a routine set up to help him get the food he needs.

I got an A on my first ASL test! Which is awesome, 'cause last semester was not quite so good. I'm also loving my English class. I LOVE the way my teacher sets everything up and forces us to work on our essays slowly by having us turn them in piece by piece, focussing on different aspects every time! It's helping my writing so much.

I have also submitted a piece to a magazine! I think I'd like to do more of that! I don't know yet if it will be published or not, but I've decided that I'd like to try to write more, and if I can get published that would be fantastic! I'm also currently working on two children's books. An illustrating major just moved into our ward, so I may have to ask if she'd like to collaborate.

Cameron is thinking of other options for grad school (we were originally planning to stay here) so that potentially puts me in a tough spot for graduating. Still totally doable, I'd just have to do online classes if we left Provo. But we're praying and counseling together and I'm sure we'll find the best solution. (I just hope it's soon so we can plan for the future!)

General conference was AWESOME. My dad was able to come out early for a business trip and spend sunday conference with us, and Cameron's mom and little sister came up for Saturday conference. It was so wonderful to see them! I also made my mom's oh-so-delicious cinnamon rolls and they were awesome! (I'll probably share the recipe on here sometime because it is SO good!)
and, of course, I absolutely loved the messages that were shared! I especially loved all the messages about being kind and courteous to others, regardless of whether we have different beliefs. I know I struggled with that a little when I was younger, and it can still be hard to respond with kindness when people are cruel or hurtful to me or others, but I have a testimony that God wants us to love each other and treat each other well. I hope that I can continue to try to become more christ-like, especially as I go back and listen to the talks from conference over again.

Sam's sleep training is going really well! (Except last night he woke up several times, but I think that he is legitimately teething this time, so we'll let it slide and hope it doesn't become the norm.) He felt so bad for keeping me up all night last night that he let me take an almost-three-hour nap with him today! It was much needed.

Thanks for letting me just blurt out random pieces of news. I am loving life! I am loving a more structured schedule for Sam, and I love the Lord!
Happy October!

(here's a sneak peak of some pictures my dad took of us over the weekend!)

How to Have an Absolutely Fantabulous Marriage in 10 Easy Steps--Some Things Should be Sacred II

I know that a lot of people will disagree with me about this post, but I feel that it is very important that I share it.  Just because I am saying that I think you're wrong, that does not mean that I don't love and respect you, so please be kind and respect my freedom of speech as I respect yours.

Things that are sacred should not be taken lightly. Marriage is sacred, as is your relationship with your spouse and their trust. Sexual intimacy is sacred and should not be treated casually or shared outside of marriage.

Abstinence before marriage is a legitimate option. My husband and I are both so grateful that we chose not to share that part of ourselves with anyone else or even with each other until we were married. It has brought us so much closer, and enabled us to see sex as the God-given gift that it is and use it purely as an expression of love. I'm so grateful that I never have to try not to think of anyone else when I'm with my husband.

Once you're married, that doesn't necessarily mean that anything goes. You still need to respect the sanctity of intimacy, and you still need to be faithful to your spouse. Decide with your spouse and the Lord what is righteous, and what you are comfortable with. Don't push your spouse to do things that they are uncomfortable with, even if you don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Fidelity to your spouse obviously excludes having sex with anyone else, but there are other ways of being unfaithful. The Lord said "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matt 5:28). (Women, this scripture applies to you as well.) Sometimes bad thoughts will come into your mind. Sometimes images or words or music that are offensive are put in front of you and it's not your fault. What is your fault is when you continue to entertain those thoughts, or keep looking or listening. When you do something with the intent to have sexual thoughts or feelings about another person besides your spouse, this is a sin.

Pornography is not a righteous thing. It is a form of infidelity, it is harmful not only to yourself, but to your marriage, your family, and it damages your view of sexuality, changing it from something Godly to something base, dirty, and sinful. Whether it's videos, pictures, books, music, you-name-it, if it causes you to think of someone other than your spouse in a sexual way, stop it. It doesn't matter the rating, the medium, or who recommended it to you. If your mind starts wandering places you shouldn't go, get away from it. Run like Joseph did from Potiphar's wife. Run and don't look back.

Porn not only ruins your view of sexuality, but of love, people, and bodies. Sex is not love. It can and aught to be a way of expressing  love, but lust is not the same as love. Pornography damages your ability to see the difference and recognize pure, godly love. Porn objectifies men and women, and their bodies, turning them into objects meant solely for gratification. We not only see this in explicit pornography, but in advertising everywhere. We need to see people first and foremost as children of our Heavenly Father, not bodies to be stared at.

Don't allow yourself to become too emotionally attached to anyone other than your spouse. Guard your emotions. Even if the feelings you have for someone else aren't sexual, they can still be unfaithful in nature. It can harm your relationship with your spouse. Remember to love your spouse more than anyone. "Cleave unto her [or him] and none else" (Gen 2; D&C 42:22.)

If you already have a problem with infidelity or pornography or anything else I've talked about, it's not too late to change. Because of the Savior's atonement you can start over, multiple times a day if you have to. He loves you, he will forgive you, and he can help you to rebuild your life. If you find that you have an addiction to pornography or anything else and can't kick the habit on your own, seek help. It's ok. There are lots of fantastic resources to help you overcome it. Talk to your church leaders, find addiction recovery groups in your community, ask your family members and friends for help and support. You can do it.

Marriage and family are central to God's plan for our salvation and happiness. Sex is also a part of that plan--not just for bringing children into the world, but for our enjoyment and for expressing love to our spouse. Because it is so sacred, we must treat it that way. The Lord loves us. We can do hard things, we can obey his commandments, and we can love and respect our spouses (current or future.)

If you're interested, here are some great talks on the same topics I covered.
Protection from Pornography--a Christ Centered Home
Personal Purity
Sanctify Yourselves: This talk was given specifically to an audience of men but it applies to everyone
Nurturing Marriage
LDS Addiction Recovery

Feeling Grateful Today

Being a mom is really time consuming, and mind consuming, and all consuming. I hardly think about anything else, ever (which is why I really ought to be reviewing ASL right now instead of writing this, but it's nice to do something just for fun.)

I love my life. Goodness, I get tired sometimes, like all-the-times, but it is so wonderful! I am so grateful for my Father in Heaven who strengthens me. There are many moments, like yesterday morning, when I am too tired to even think about moving but I say a little prayer and He helps me to keep pushing on without falling over or dropping my baby, and then blesses me with a nap!

I'm also so grateful for my husband who is so supportive and helpful. Even though he has a sprained ankle and a cold and is taking the GRE this weekend he still takes the time to help me and just sit and talk and make me feel loved!

I am also so grateful for my little angel baby. He is so wonderful. Yesterday was tough, I think he might be catching whatever I have, but his little smiles and giggles make me so happy. No matter what burdens I am carrying, his smile lightens them instantly. Motherhood is amazing. I can't even begin to describe how much I have grown, especially emotionally. I've always had a pretty low threshold for stress and sleep deprivation (anyone who knew me in high school can tell you I got sick all the time) but I have been strengthened in my mind and body. I've learned how to keep pushing, to just take one more step, and then another, and another, until I'm running full speed again. It truly is a miracle.

I'm so grateful for all my friends and family, for their love and support, and for the joy it gives me to know that I am not alone.

I'm grateful for baby bouncers and bagels with strawberry cream cheese.

I'm grateful for baby giggles and kind strangers and windows that open.

I'm grateful for sunshine, I'm grateful for rain, I'm grateful for this beautiful place I live in that I used to think was a barren desert. I'm grateful that my mind can change!

I'm grateful for my tiny apartment that has a full sized stove, oven, and refrigerator. I'm grateful for the concrete floors covered in cheap linoleum and million year old carpet that don't creak when I'm putting my baby down to sleep.

I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for my family members that I have known who have passed away. I'm grateful for their examples, and for the love I still feel from them.

I'm grateful for my faith: for my knowledge of a life after this where we can have a second chance and can be with our families again. I'm grateful for a merciful God who loves me, and all of us, more than anything!

I am grateful that happiness is a choice!

I Feel My Savior's Love

As a new mom I'm always busy, but I want to make sure I'm busy with the right things. It's much too easy to just pick up the iPad and play games every time I'm nursing instead of picking up a book or calling a friend or family member. I've been feeling a bit down the last few days, easily overwhelmed, short of temper: not the me I want to be.
So, a few nights ago I followed my husband's example and had a good scripture study. Not just reading a chapter, but really contemplating the meaning of what I was reading and looking for ways to apply it in my life. It felt so good. I don't know why I ever try to make excuses about why I shouldn't or can't do that.
I'm grateful for my Savior and for his love. He grants me peace and patience and inexpressible joy. I am so grateful for the many, many glorious blessings that he has given to me, and to everyone! I'm grateful for the atonement. I'm grateful that I can be with my family forever. As I was holding Sam that night, I began singing a song I learned in church when I was a little girl that touched my heart and helped me to feel the love of my Lord and Savior. I didn't know that I remembered all the words, but somehow I did and it brought me the peace that I had been seeking for days.

I feel my Savior's love
in all the world around me.
His spirit warms my soul
through everything I see.

He knows I will follow Him,
give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
The love He freely gives me.

I feel my Savior's love
It's gentleness enfolds me,
and when I kneel to pray
my heart is filled with peace.

I feel my Savior's love
and know that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart.
My shepherd he will be.

I'll share my Savior's love
by serving others freely.
In serving I am blessed
In giving I receive!

He knows I will follow Him,
give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
the love He freely gives me.

Our Wedding: Why We Chose the Temple

Cameron and I decided to be married in the Salt Lake City temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is a beautiful building with lots of history, as well as being a place where many of our relatives and ancestors were married. But it is so much more than that.

We chose this temple because it was right outside that I first told Cameron that I loved him, and also the place we were when he kissed me for the first time.

(It was right about here that it happened!)


Our families are spread out all over the country, though we both have a lot of extended family in Utah, and we wanted to have the wedding somewhere that would be mildly convenient for everyone. (We realize that, short of having 5 different weddings, it was impossible to make it really convenient for very many people at all, and we so appreciate all the love and support we got from our families, especially those that had to travel to get here!)

We chose to be married in the temple instead of a church or other setting because we believe that here, we could be married not just for this life, but for the rest of eternity as well. A lot of people I know believe that marriage only lasts until death, and that neither our spirits nor our resurrected selves will be connected to our spouse. When we are sealed in the temple, we are promised to be with each other forever.

But there's something even more wonderful than that. We're together with each other, but if we keep doing our best to live the way God wants us to, we can be with our children and ancestors as long as they do the same! We can be with our whole family forever.

For the actual ceremony, we had a lot of family that was unable to come inside to be with us. The temple is a very sacred place, and even lots of members of our church aren't allowed in. To come in to the temple, you must be strictly living the commandments, as well as have made special promises and commitments with the Lord that you will always live that way. These are very serious promises, and so members of the church are encouraged to wait until they are ready to be married or serve a full time mission, or at least are past their teen-age years, before they go to the temple and make those commitments.

It was painful for us to not be able to have some of our family with us for that short time we were inside the temple. We wanted so much to be able to share that with them. But for us, it was an easy choice. For us, leaving them outside for half an hour so that we could have the chance to be with them for the rest of eternity as well as this life was definitely worth it. I know that it's difficult for those not of our faith to understand, but we did it because we love our family and we want to be with them always.

Families are central to God's plan. He means for us to be with our families and to be happy! I know that He loves us and wants the best for us. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices in this life, and it is hard, but the reward will always be worth it. This is why we chose to be married in the temple. We want to be with each other and our family, not just "till death do us part," but through all of forever, even after we die. It is a glorious promise, and I know that God keeps his promises.

We're so grateful that our family was so supportive of us and that so many of you who were unable to come inside still came to the temple to be there when we came out. We love you so much, and hope you can understand why we made the choice that we did. We want to be with you forever.

If you would like to learn more about mormon temples, click here, here, here, or even here!

If you would like the opportunity to go inside a mormon temple, completely "legally" and without any commitment or strings attached, here and here are the next opportunities to do so. (When a new temple is built, it is open to the general public for a short time before it is dedicated. There will be a guided tour of the building and explanations of what the different rooms are used for. You do need tickets, but they are free. You can obtain tickets by following the link above.) If you are unable to attend an open house but still want to learn about the temple, many temples have visitor centers on the same property where you can ask questions about the temples and see the outside and grounds.

And here are some more pictures of our wonderful family at the temple with us, and a few of just Cam and I that I love!

Sacred Gifts

Last Saturday Cameron took me on a date! It was our first one out of the home in a while since we've been sick and it was great! He took me to the BYU Museum of Art to look at the Sacred Gifts exhibit. Original paintings by Carl Bloch (that have never before left the Frederiksborg Castle since they were placed there in the early 1800's and likely will never leave again after their short stay at BYU,) Frans Schwartz, and Heinrich Hofmann are being exhibited along with some of their etchings in a beautifully redesigned and ornately decorated space.

Many of these paintings are from altars and similar spaces in churches and cathedrals in Denmark and Germany (as well as other places in Europe and America,) so the museum built temporary altar-like frames for them that lend a beautifully sacred ambiance to the exhibit, but are simple enough to not distract from the pieces themselves and their subject: Christ our Savior.

As well as being an enriching cultural and artistic experience, it was amazingly spiritual as well. The portraits of the Savior, although differing in physical appearance, all show an amazing depth of love, sacrifice, and holiness. The eyes of every portrait captivated me. I was amazed by how well these painters seemed to know their Lord. I didn't know before visiting this exhibit how personally religious they all were. Some of them painted for themselves as much as others. Hofmann's famous Portrait of Christ was originally placed in his bedroom to be a reminder for him of who he should be and how he should live. I thought that was really touching.

I would strongly encourage everyone and anyone who can to go to this exhibit. It is so beautiful and so touching. I'm so grateful for art and for the depth and beauty it lends to life.

To learn more about the exhibit or reserve tickets (they're free) go to http://sacredgifts.byu.edu/tickets/

Reading The Book of Mormon in Under 3 Months

In November our *Stake President challenged us to read the entire Book of Mormon as a couple before stake conference in February. At first, when we started, we calculated that we needed to read six or seven pages a day to get it done. Not very much. Honestly, I've read books almost twice this length in a matter of weeks, but we wanted to read it together, out loud, which takes a bit longer. Then we had a family emergency, didn't read as much as we should have during Thanksgiving and Christmas break, and just stopped early a few times when we were sick or tired at the end of the day. We're now needing to read 13 pages a day to finish, but we're planning to be done by the day before conference. Mission accomplished!

Every once in a while this feels like a burden. It can take a long time to finish our daily reading, which we usually do right around bedtime, and I get tired. But then I think of how much I love this book and how many blessings I've seen in my life because we've accepted this challenge. 

President Runia told us that if we did this that the spirit would increase in our home and that we would have increased tenderness in our marriage. I have noticed that. Cameron and I have become more patient and loving towards each other. It is easier to feel the spirit in our home, which in turn creates more peace and love.

Although I've read The Book of Mormon before, several times, reading it so quickly this time has helped me to see the continuity so much more clearly. To see things prophesied and then happen in such close proximity to each other that I'm able to recall more clearly what was said is a true blessing. It has strengthened my testimony that the Lord keeps his promises, that he lives, and that miracles are real.

I know that The Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that it teaches of Him and His Son, just as the Bible does. I know that, if we let it, the doctrine and stories in it can change our hearts and help us to become more like our Savior. I am so grateful for this church, I am so grateful for the scriptures, and I am so grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father.

*A Stake President is an ecclesiastical leader who presides over a group of about 10 wards (or congregations) which make up a stake. If you have any questions about this or anything else I've mentioned please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message! 

If you want to do some research about the LDS church, receive a free copy of the Book of Mormon, or want to chat online with Mormon Missionaries (or make an appointment to speak with them in person), visit mormon.org, or click the "I Believe" link at the top of the page.

Has it Really Been a Year?

This Wednesday marks one year since my husband and I were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
One Year! When did that happen?

A lot of people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I'm honestly not sure what they're talking about. This has been the happiest year of my entire life. We've had a lot of hard things happen in our family that were out of our control, but because of that our relationship was able to grow so much stronger than it would have otherwise. We've learned so much about communication, sacrifice, service, and love. Our testimonies of the love that our Father in Heaven has for us are unshakeable. We know that he is guiding or lives and we are so excited to continue this adventure together!

We are so glad that we were married in the temple. It is a big commitment to live our lives so that we are worthy to go there, but the blessings we have received are beyond imagining. If we continue to live the promises that we made to each other and to the Lord in His house, we will be together forever. Even after we die, we will not be separated. Isn't that so wonderful? It gives me so much comfort to know that no matter what happens, as long as I live the way God asks me to, I will never, ever have to say goodbye to my dear Cameron for more than a short time. We have also been promised to always have our children with us. What a comfort and joy that is. I am so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, where we have the authority from God to be sealed together forever, and to be taught His gospel, and to know of the sacredness and importance of the family in His plan.

Want to know more about LDS (Mormon) temples or doctrine? Feel free to ask me any questions you have, or visit www.mormon.org. This website answers FAQ, outlines the basics of our beliefs, can help you locate the nearest meetinghouse and times if you'd like to visit our church services, and missionaries available to chat online with if you have any questions. You can also receive a free copy of the Bible and/or Book of Mormon if you want one. I'd seriously recommend that you check it out this website for any information about what we believe.

Here Comes the Sun

I love being in Women's Chorus. It brings so much joy to my life. I love the power of music to be a force for good in the world when there can be so much negativity and hardship. Life is not easy. It's not meant to be. But it is meant to be enjoyed! Don't worry, no matter how difficult your situation is, the Lord loves you, he is there for you, and there is sunshine just ahead! Just keep holding on! I promise that you can get through it.

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

In Women's Chorus we're singing "Come, Thou Fount" at our concert this coming week. I am so excited! I love this song. The music is so beautiful and the lyrics are so sweet. Until this past week I'd always felt the spirit in this song, but never had the words stand out  to me so clearly, especially during one particular line.

"Jesus sought me, when a stranger wandering from the fold of God, came to rescue me from danger from the downward path I trod."

Due to the King James-y English and poetic grammar, I rearrange the words in my head to make more sense and they come out something like this:
"Jesus sought me when I had estranged myself from him and was wandering away from God's fold. He came to rescue me from the spiritual danger in which I was placing myself." He came for me. How powerful is that message?

I have been the sheep that has wandered from the fold. There have been far too many times when I have turned my back on my Savior. I am so sorry that I have done this, and I keep trying to be better, but I am human and I make mistakes. I am proud, and I am selfish, and I ashamed when I let myself and others down. I often feel that when I am going through something difficult that I could have avoided if I had been smart and following the spirit, that I should take care of it myself--that I don't deserve the help and care of my loving Father in Heaven and the Savior. Yet the moment I fall to my knees, the very second I humble myself and ask for help and forgiveness, the Savior is there to sweep me up in the arms of his love. He takes away my pain, my sadness, my guilt, and my stress. He is always waiting to take care of me. No matter how far I wander, he follows me and waits for me to let him help and strengthen me. He leaves the ninety-and-nine for my sake. (Luke 15.)

I am so grateful for the love of my Savior, and for his amazing atonement which allows me to repent and be cleansed so that I can move forward, and upward, without being hindered by my past mistakes. I know that the Lord loves each of us. He will always, always accept and forgive us as we repent and try our best to change. He doesn't expect perfection, he only asks that we do our best. I am so grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful for music. I am so thankful for the way that music and singing can soften my heart when nothing else can, and give me a way to bear my testimony when my own words don't seem like enough.

I love my Savior. I know that he lives and loves us, that his atonement is perfect, and that he wants so much for us to come home to him. I have felt the spirit testify of this to me, and I cannot doubt that.

He Lives, All Glory to His Name

One of the things I love about BYU is how many likeminded people there are. There are so many humble followers of the Savior who love and serve Him and all of his children. But every so often you meet others who just don't have that burning faith. Of course everyone is entitled to choose how they will live, how much to believe, but I honestly just don't know how they cope with everything that the world throws at us without faith.

A week or so ago I was talking with a coworker and shared an experience where I felt that God had answered my prayers and he said, "You really think God cares?" I was shocked, I haven't had someone confront me like this since high school, but I also immediately felt the spirit testifying to me that yes, He does care. Like my Earthly Father it may not matter much to him what colored shirt I wear today or if my hair is in a ponytail or braids, but he cares if I am happy, he cares about my future, and he consistently answers my prayers whether I ask for comfort, knowledge or direction.

I know my Savior lives. I know he loves each of us. I know that he wants all of us to come home to him, and he will not turn anyone away who is truly penitent. He is gracious, he is merciful, he is wonderful!

I know that my Redeemer lives.
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, he lives who once was dead.
He lives, my ever-living head.
He lives to bless me with His love.
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my Hungry soul to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise heavenly Friend.

He lives and loves me to the end.

He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing.

He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath.

He lives, and I shall conquer death.

He lives my mansion to prepare.

He lives to bring me safely there

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

--Samuel Medly

Emma

This past week my darling niece Emma passed away. Born on Christmas, she was our little miracle. Although the Lord chose not to let us keep her for long, we are eternally grateful for what little time we had with her and the sweet spirit and opportunities for growth and faith she brought to us.

It's been a really hard time for the family, but our faith has grown immensely and we've drawn so much closer together. It really is difficult to look on the bright side during times like this. One family member commented, "It's really hard to have an eternal perspective at a time like this," but in my mind I automatically answered "But it's even harder not to." I believe that. Without faith in God's plan that we can return to him, that all little children are saved, that through the blessings of the temple families can be together forever, times like these are unbearable.

But I do have that faith, and I thank Heaven for it. Throughout all of this I have prayed for peace, for myself and for my family members. My heart absolutely aches for my dear sister, but I have been given peace. It is truly remarkable. As I have turned to the Lord my faith has been increased. My gratitude for the Temple, my family, and the Gospel have grown immensely.

I'm so grateful that Emma was able to spend a little time with our family, and touch so many lives during her stay here on Earth. I love her, as I love all my family, and am so excited to be able to see her again after this life.

To help the family with medical expenses, a fund has been set up at Helena Community Credit Union for Emma.

Galatians 5:22

To start: if you haven't watched the Relief Society General Broadcast from last night, YOU NEED TO. It was AMAZING.

I spent almost all day with Cameron yesterday and it was wonderful! We don't get to do that very often anymore now that school has started. We got things to make our Halloween costumes, got lunch, picked up a few things for wedding decorations, and ended the day at his Grandparents' home watching the broadcast and eating dinner.

It's so amazing and wonderful to me how the closer I am to the Lord and to his spirit, the more love I feel for Him, and for Cam. My heart is so full lately that a lot of my emotion has been escaping out my eyes ;). Life is so wonderful with Cameron in it. He is always pointing me upwards, and doing everything he can to help me physically, emotionally, spiritually, everything. He is my greatest blessing and I am so excited to share eternity with him.

The joy I have felt lately is indescribable. I am so fulfilled and I know that I am loved. I really am so blessed, and I thank Heaven every moment for this immense gift that I've so graciously been given.

Yesterday I was thinking about the difficulties I was having in the spring and the opportunity that they to draw closer to the Lord; and I realized something. I realized that those experiences were preparing me for Cameron. Had I not been close to the spirit, and not had an open heart, ready to look further  than skin deep, I would not have been ready for Cameron when I met him. This is one of the few times when I am humble enough to be grateful for my supposed misfortunes.

The Lord knows exactly what we need to become our best, and if we follow him, and try to understand his plan and do it, we will be blessed beyond measure and happier than we ever imagined possible.

73 Days Down, 52 Days to Go!

Thoughts on Eternity

So I have several posts in the works, but there are just some things that I am grateful for/thinking about, and wanted to share.

1. I Love My Fiancé.

He is so good and sweet to me. He is always trying to take care of me, helping me to turn to the Lord, and and lifting me up emotionally. He never let's a day go by where he doesn't tell me how wonderful he thinks I am, or how big my heart is, or what an amazing wife and mother I will be. You get the idea. When I ask him why he's so good to me, he says something to the effect of, "I want to be with you for eternity, and if I'm not good to you now,  why would you want to be with me forever?"

2. The Lord Loves Us

"He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with His eye." (Consider the Lilies)

I have seen this so much in my life since I've met Cameron. He is so perfect for me. Yes, we have our differences, but we are able to talk about them and work past them. We are both willing to sacrifice and compromise, and focus on the multitudes of things we love about each other, our similarities, and our common goals. We have a lot of those. If the Lord could take the time to make sure that Cam and I had all the life experiences that would prepare us for each other, out of all his millions of children and important cosmic things I'm sure he has to coordinate, how amazing is that? I always believed that he loved his children, but now I have absolutely no doubt.

3. Eternity

I believe that after death our spirits continue on. Not as ghosts, but more like angels. I believe that we will continue on in this way until we are resurrected, as the Savior was, and regain our bodies, but they will be glorified and perfected, never to be separated from our spirits again. If we keep his commandments, and make covenants in his house, including the covenant and ordinance of marriage, we can be together with our families forever. This is why Cam and I have chosen to be married in the temple, by someone who holds the proper priesthood authority so seal us to each other, not just 'till death, but for eternity! How wonderful is that!

I'm so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ, for making it possible for our sins to be forgiven, that I may try every day to be better than the day before, and have hope of returning to Heaven, along with my Husband and family. 

Always Looking Out for Me

God is always looking out for me. Several weeks ago I decided that I really needed to make some kettle corn, which is done by putting popcorn, sugar, and salt in a pot with HOT oil, caramelizing and melting the sugar, and it is delicious. Unless you do something wrong, which I'm still not sure what that was last night, but the sugar started burning before the popcorn was done and some of it popped and stuck to my face as I was attempting to save it. So I had molten sugar hardening to my cheek, hot oil in my eye, AND burnt kettle corn. I ran to the sink and began trying to wash the the sugar off my face, which had already blistered, when I looked in the mirror and realized everything was blurry in my left eye. I looked closely and saw a spot on my cornea where it had been burned. Despite the mascara running down my cheeks, the pain that was probably twisting up my face as I endeavored to see, and extreme embarrassment, I went into the living room where three guys from our ward were sitting, explained the situation, and asked if they could give me a blessing.

They did this, and I was told that in due time the pain would subside and my vision would be restored. I went to bed with a bag of ice on my face praying that "due time" didn't mean very long.

The next morning I was a wreck. I couldn't focus my left eye, it felt like I'd burned the underside of my eyelid when I was blinking away hot oil, and I'd pealed a few layers of skin off my cheek with the sugar and popcorn. But lo and behold, my lovely roommate had made breakfast for her boyfriend's birthday and had plenty of extra so she shared with me and the other roomies. So sweet.

There was this boy named Cameron who I really, really liked and it was his birthday, too. I was supposed to go hiking with he and his friends but I did not feel in any way up to the task so I called him and said I'd have to cancel. He told me that the whole trip had been cancelled due to his suddenly becoming rather ill (with what we found out after several weeks and 2 trips to the doctor was bronchitis) and he wanted to stay home and rest as well.

I had already made a birthday present for him, so I gathered it up, determined to walk the one and a half miles to his house to give it to him because he was sick on his birthday, and I just really wanted to see him. But my body had other plans. I lost all energy and the will to open my left eye so I lay down on the couch and resigned myself to at least an hour of napping...which never occurred because he called shortly thereafter and said he was on his way to my apartment. On foot. To see me, on his birthday, when he was sick. He said he just couldn't stand to be inside any more and he'd promised to visit his cousin, but it later came out that he really just wanted to see me. ;)

He came over, we held hands (not for the first time), and he asked if I would like to keep dating him and only him. Let's just say I was ecstatic. We both went to the doctor the next day and I was told that my eye should be perfectly healed within the week, and was WAY ahead of schedule for a burn that severe having happened so recently.

Let me just say, the Church is true, priesthood is real, and our Father in Heaven does hear and answer our prayers. Not only pertaining to my healing, which was really miraculous, but also in his helping me find Cameron, who has already answered so may of my prayers just by being himself.

Pure Joy

I haven't been so happy in, well, ever. At least, not that I can remember. The funny thing I'm coming to realize is that I've always had the potential to be this ecstatic. My life has not gotten any easier AT ALL. I'm struggling to finish assignments well and on time, I'm losing things, I burned myself really badly, my credit card expired and my new one hasn't come yet, the list goes on and on. The only thing that has changed is my perspective.

Cue Boyfriend. ( I promise there's a point to this tangent.)

A little over a month ago an incredibly cheery guy decided to sit next to me when Men's and Women's chorus were singing together in a BYU devotional. I was having a really bad day but I tried my best to be nice. He asked for my number, friended me on facebook, but I didn't think much of it. Then a week later he asked if I'd like to go on a walk with him on Sunday afternoon. We got to talking and I realized that he had such a light! (see previous post.) He was so optimistic and we have a really similar way of seeing the world. I hardly stopped smiling the entire time I was with him. Something about his love of life and optimism was just contagious. So long story short we started seeing each other pretty frequently and going on dates until we decided that we didn't want to date anyone else and that's where we are now.

So, tangent aside, his light, spirit, and optimism have really made me want to be a better person. I saw how happy he was and when I realized that he wasn't ignoring sad things, they just didn't bother him because of how much he loved everything else, I decided "I want to be like that, too!" So, I have. I am utterly full of God's love, I do my best to recognize the little wonders all around me, and share my joy with everyone I meet. I must say, I feel fantastic. I haven't been more in love with life for such an extended period of time that I can remember, or been filled with so much gratitude.

On a side note, I've finally figured out why I couldn't go to Nauvoo! It's because, if I had gone, I would  not have had this wonderful life changing experience, or get to be dating this amazing man. Hallelujah. :)

Family: Heaven on Earth

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see my great grandmother Marybelle on my mom's side. She is 98 years old, has basically no memory, and has not left her bed in a few years. She can't communicate anymore and has to be spoon-fed like a baby. It's strange to see someone who I used to talk to and have conversations with be in this condition, and I find myself having nothing to say to her, and even if I can think of something I get too choked up to say it. I am not really sad though, at least not for her. She's not really suffering, she barely takes any medication at all, she just can't care for herself. I'm sad for my great Aunt and Uncle who visit her regularly and have to see her health declining. They are the kindest people and have such good hearts, and I know it would be difficult for me to watch my mother starting to slip away like that. But again, its not really sadness that overwhelms me and makes my eyes "leak," as my mom puts it. I cry because the veil is so thin around Marybelle.

When I am with either the very young or the very old I can feel that Heaven is close. I can feel our Father in Heaven's love more strongly and clearly than I otherwise can. I know that he is waiting, for his own reasons, to welcome my grandmother to the other side where she can rest from her mortal trials. I believe my grandfather, her husband Bob, was there in that room with her, watching out for her as he did all his life until the moment he passed away two years ago.

I am so blessed to have been able to know three of my great-grandparents, and to still have two of my great-grandmothers alive. I'm so grateful for the spirit I feel when I'm with them and for all that they've taught me about perseverance and hard work. I pray for them, and hope that when they have done all they came to this Earth to do that they can slip peacefully to the other side of the veil and be reunited with their loved ones.


I am so grateful for my testimony of the atonement, life after death, and the resurrection. I know that someday I will be able to see these remarkable people again, and be able to live with them as a family forever.

Close Enough to Touch

In Relief Society today our president shared something amazing with us (to paraphrase...)

“The Savior is never more than an arm's length away, because he will not stand further from you than you can push him.”

I know this to be true, metaphorically speaking. The savior is only as far from me as I make him stay. The moment I turn to him for love, or comfort, or support, or validation, He is there embracing me and opening the windows of Heaven to pour out more blessings and comfort and healing than I could ever hope to receive. He is ever so much more than just. He is merciful, he is tender, he is loving, he is compassionate, he is self-sacrificing, and he is always there for me.

No matter how selfish I tend to be, which sometimes is sadly probably an 11 out of 10 on the self-centered meter, he sends me angels as soon as I am ready to accept them. On Wednesday he sent me one such angel: my wonderful friend Sam. He is always ready to listen to the spirit, and offer comfort and advice. He didn't know why, but he followed a prompting to come talk to me and because of what he said, and because of the love of my Heavenly Father he helped me to recognize, my burdens have been made light. They are still there, but they are now manageable.

I know that our Father in Heaven and Savior love us. They would do anything for us. I am so grateful for the sacrifice our Lord made for us when he suffered and atoned for our sins in Gethsemane, gave his life on Calvary, and finally was resurrected so that someday we, too, may be reunited with our bodies, and become perfected like him, and live forever in his kingdom. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is His church on the Earth today, and that he leads and guides it. I know that no matter how close we stray from the path, he will always be beside us, waiting to give us the help we need, always close enough to touch.