Has it Really Been a Year?

This Wednesday marks one year since my husband and I were married in the Salt Lake Temple.
One Year! When did that happen?

A lot of people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I'm honestly not sure what they're talking about. This has been the happiest year of my entire life. We've had a lot of hard things happen in our family that were out of our control, but because of that our relationship was able to grow so much stronger than it would have otherwise. We've learned so much about communication, sacrifice, service, and love. Our testimonies of the love that our Father in Heaven has for us are unshakeable. We know that he is guiding or lives and we are so excited to continue this adventure together!

We are so glad that we were married in the temple. It is a big commitment to live our lives so that we are worthy to go there, but the blessings we have received are beyond imagining. If we continue to live the promises that we made to each other and to the Lord in His house, we will be together forever. Even after we die, we will not be separated. Isn't that so wonderful? It gives me so much comfort to know that no matter what happens, as long as I live the way God asks me to, I will never, ever have to say goodbye to my dear Cameron for more than a short time. We have also been promised to always have our children with us. What a comfort and joy that is. I am so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, where we have the authority from God to be sealed together forever, and to be taught His gospel, and to know of the sacredness and importance of the family in His plan.

Want to know more about LDS (Mormon) temples or doctrine? Feel free to ask me any questions you have, or visit www.mormon.org. This website answers FAQ, outlines the basics of our beliefs, can help you locate the nearest meetinghouse and times if you'd like to visit our church services, and missionaries available to chat online with if you have any questions. You can also receive a free copy of the Bible and/or Book of Mormon if you want one. I'd seriously recommend that you check it out this website for any information about what we believe.

Happy National Bacon Day!

No, the real international bacon day is not in November, it's usually in September. But for my husband and me, it falls on November 21st: the anniversary of the screaming bacon.

What is the screaming bacon, you ask? Let me tell you!

On the first morning of our honeymoon my husband and I decided to make a decadent breakfast to celebrate our first full day of marriage. We made waffles, hot cocoa, fruit, and, of course, bacon.

Cameron was making the bacon like the manly-man-husband that he is, while I was cutting up some strawberries. All of a sudden we heard an unearthly screeching noise coming from the stove. Cameron, fearing that he was about to lose his new wife, let alone a few limbs, took the bacon off of the burner, pulled me away from that side of the kitchen, and tried to shield me with his body. I was startled by his reaction, but I tried to move around him to fix the 'screaming bacon.' He threw himself in front of me again and quickly reached out and turned off the stove. The bacon kept screaming and Cameron started to panic. I'm pretty sure he was about to throw me into fireman's hold and rush out the door with me.

Then, in one last attempt to save my husband, and our beautiful breakfast, I boldly stepped forward to the stove, turned off the back burner, and moved the boiling kettle off of the heat and opened the lid so it would stop whistling. We were saved!

We had a good laugh about that. I was so in love with my husband, and I could tell he loved me. One year later, we're even more in love! Life is wonderful!

Now every time we use our kettle and it starts to whistle, we scream, "THE BACON IS EXPLODING!" and duck and cover until we manage to stop laughing. We have also declared November 21st, the day after our wedding anniversary, to be our National Bacon Day, which, by law, must be celebrated by the eating of bacon with breakfast.

Celebrate with us next Thursday, and eat some bacon!

How to Have an Absolutely Fantabulous Marriage in 10 Easy Steps--Unplug

Some people are good at multitasking. I am not. I'm so bad that if I'm doing anything that requires more concentration then pacing (like noticing a pretty bird outside the window or clicking a pen) I completely lose track of the conversation that I'm in. This has gotten even worse since being pregnant. Don't even bother trying to get me to answer a question if I'm watching a movie that I don't have memorized.

My husband is much better. He can send an email and talk to me at the same time. He can watch a movie and write a paper without ending up with a copy of the movie script instead like I do.

From these examples it's probably obvious that I should turn off my electronic devices, close books, put on blinders, tie my hands behind my back, etc. if I want to make my husband feel that I'm paying attention to him and that what he has to say is valuable and interesting to me. But why should he? If he's still capable of having a conversation with me, why should he have to give up Tiny Wings, work, school, or Twitter when we're talking? It's all about quality time.

When you're not willing to give someone your undivided attention, it sends the message that they are not as important as your phone, your work, your book. Should you do this to your spouse? NO! Ironically we often treat our family poorly because they have to love us no matter what, but they should be the ones we are kindest and closest to, ESPECIALLY our spouse because we got to choose that one. Your spouse should be your best friend, your one true love, and the last person on Earth you want to hurt or offend. One of the greatest ways to show your love is through quality time. Put away your other activities for a while, look him in the eyes, and just give time to having a real conversation.

If you're trying to have quality time but your spouse isn't taking the hint and putting away the Nintendo, it may be time to try the magical remedy of (drumroll, please) Communication! Try waiting until they are no longer engulfed in that activity, even if it's an unnecessary one, and kindly (not naggingly or accusingly) express that you would like to, as a couple, have time where you put aside other things, unplug, and just have time together. It's hard not to lash out when you're angry, or to make a snide remark to try and get the other person's attention, but it is not a loving way to deal with the issue and will escalate the problem instead of solving it. If your spouse is otherwise occupied, give them an obvious cue that you need their attention before diving in. Try something like "Honey, can I talk to you about something?" or "Would you mind putting that away for a little while? I have something I'd like to talk about." Then wait for them to willingly turn their attention to you before you start. Subtlety is usually lost on people who are not looking, or listening, in your direction.

My dear husband is so patient with me. When I get distracted by a witty bumper sticker and comment on it while we're driving together, he lovingly responds and brings the conversation back to where we were. Sometimes when he realizes that my train of thought is not following the conversation, he gently breaks my daydream and reminds me that he needs me to listen when he is talking about things that are important to him.

Remember to be patient, and not be easily offended. Remember how much you love him/ her and that he or she loves you, too. She's most likely NOT maliciously trying to tune you out. He's just human, and will make mistakes sometimes.

Playing video games, watching movies, and listening to music together can be a lot of fun and a great way to bond, but its not good to do it all the time. Texting is a wonderful invention, but don't use it for important or sensitive topics (like apologies or discussions of needs that are not currently being met.) Again, make time for just each other. Come up with activities where your eyes don't have to be glued to something else. Turn off the radio in the car. Just be together and take the time to let your love grow and continue to get to know each other!

What are some things that you like to do when you're 'unplugged?' Do you have any good remedies for a distracted spouse? How do you show your undivided attention to each other?

Here Comes the Sun

I love being in Women's Chorus. It brings so much joy to my life. I love the power of music to be a force for good in the world when there can be so much negativity and hardship. Life is not easy. It's not meant to be. But it is meant to be enjoyed! Don't worry, no matter how difficult your situation is, the Lord loves you, he is there for you, and there is sunshine just ahead! Just keep holding on! I promise that you can get through it.

How to Have an Absolutely Fantabulous Marriage in 10 Easy Steps--Continuing Courtship

My dear husband Cameron asked if he could write the post on courtship, so here it is! I love that we can do this little project together :)

Dating, courtship, and engagement were amazing periods of time for Dana and myself. We loved it. We were together everyday doing something. One day we were dancing in front of the castle at Disneyland, other days it was making Macaroni and Cheese on a cold wintery day. Whatever we did, we loved being together. 

Courting one another is an essential part of the pre-marriage and post-wedding stage. I have found that as I try to do things for and with my wife that our marriage blossoms exponentially. 

Elder Christiansen said once: “Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together—just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 86; or Ensign, May 1995, 65).

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in school, work, extracurricular activities that we lose sight of those who are closest to us. My grandfather, Grandpa Blake, always tells Dana to call him if I don't treat her right… luckily she hasn't had to call him! I am grateful for that. I think that we have been able to grow in our love since our marriage is because we have taken to time to court one another. We go out of our way to do things for one another. Sometimes things are spontaneous and other times we plan well in advance to spend special time together. 

These are three things that Dana and I do to continue courting one another: 

1. Go on dates! This is a biggie! Every week, take the time to just be alone together. Whether that is at home watching a movie, taking a walk, shooting guns (we don't do this one much but we have friends and family that do), whatever, take the time to be together. Turn off your cell phone, or just be disciplined and don't look at it. This is YOUR time together that makes a marriage grow. 
2. Be spontaneous! Guys, if a crazy awesome idea enters your mind and you have a second to decide, do it with her! One day we were walking on BYU campus heading south. As you walk from north to south there is a 9 story building called the Spencer W Kimball Building, or SWKT (swi-ket). We saw one of our friends who happens to be a security guard walking in front of us. We went spy-style, followed him for a minute, and then caught up with him. He told us he was going to the top of the SWKT to check things out and invited us along! We said YES! The top is locked at all times, so this was a real treat! He let us stay up there for as long as we wanted and we had a blast, and a great view of Provo. None of that would have happened had we not been spontaneous. 
3. Have fun! Dating and beginning to court is awesome and so much fun! Be respectful and do appropriate activities. Courtship in marriage is also a blast! You are married (or will be married) to your best friend. Treat your spouse as the queen or king that they are. When life gives you lemons, just laugh and move forward!! Enjoy your time together. Loving, laughing, and courting are activities that make your marriage strong. 

Allow me to reiterate something: you are married to your BEST FRIEND. Cherish every moment you have and court each other every moment of every day, and you will be happy. 

What are ways that you court one another? We'd like to know. 

How to Have an Absolutely Fantabulous Marriage in 10 Easy Steps--Set Goals Together

Setting goals, individually and as a couple, is really important in marriage. It forces you to think of where you want to go and who you want to become, and gives you direction in your life and in your relationship. As you discuss your needs and those of your partner, your dreams and aspirations, and how you want to get there (see Communication,) you will be able to become one in purpose and have the same vision for where you want to go. This will make the journey much easier and more enjoyable, since you will be working with instead of against each other. The end result will also be more fulfilling if you can have the satisfaction of knowing that you and your spouse are happy and fulfilled and that you accomplished something together.

Goals can be for the long or short term (I want to finish this project within the next two hours, or I want to get a doctorate degree.) I usually set shorter term goals, but I find that they have the most purpose and help me get somewhere worthwhile when I think about where I want to be in the long term. Basically,  *What is the reality I want to create? I think 1, 5, 10 years down the road, maybe more, and decide what my spiritual, educational, physical, financial, marital, familial (etc, etc,) situation will be. In ten years, I'll be 31. Do I want to have completed my undergrad? Do I want to have credit card debt? Do I want to have children and still be married to Cameron? What do I want my relationship with them to be like? What do I want my reality to be? This is the first step. 

(If you haven't worked through this part with your spouse, make sure that you do! You want the same vision for your family so that you can work together towards your goals. Its definitely ok to try and come up with a vision before you talk about it, but make sure that you do discuss it together. If you have personal goals, such as for your health, sharing these with your spouse as well as goals and visions that pertain to them, can be a great motivator. If you have someone who can ask you how your goals are going, it can be easier to remember to do them, because you want to be able to answer well.)

The second step is to then figure out how to get there. Say you want to be free of credit card debt in 10 years (putting house and car payments aside, maybe.) The best way to get there is to not fall into debt in the first place. How do you do that? Spend less than you make every month, and make payments on time. How do you know how much you can spend? And so on. Keep asking how and why like a three-year-old until you're able to break your task down into specific, measurable, and doable goals. These three things are important because if a goal is too ambiguous, you have no way to measure how well you're doing at it, or if it's just not possible, then it won't get done and you won't get anywhere.

Next, set timelines for yourself. Sometimes it's good to work backwards. Start with the long term and work your way down to the short term, to make sure that you have time to do everything. Say I have a paper due for school in three weeks. I need to come up with a topic, do research, write one or two preliminary drafts, check those, and print my essay. Starting with printing and going backwards, when do I want to get each of those items done? Take into account how long each of these steps will take to do well. 

Four: Write Down Your Goals! Then put them in a place where you can see them often and think about how well you've done. I've never been particularly good at this part, but it is so important, because it helps you to remember your goals and keep track of them. Keeping track of your progress is important, too. It can be rewarding if you're doing well, or motivation to do better. Do what's best for you. If you need to have someone to be accountable to, ask your spouse to check with you every so often on how you're coming along. 

Remember, marriage is about becoming one as a couple. If you're working in different directions, it's probably not going to happen. Marriage is work, but it can be remarkable fun and rewarding as long as we're willing to work together and give our hearts wholly to each other and to our Father in Heaven.

*I heard this phrase from Bob Quinn, who I think was quoting it from a book titled The Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz

Pregnancy Update: One Week From Today

I am super excited! One week from today we get to find out the gender of our little baby! Are you as excited as I am? Probably not, because I am bouncing-off-the-walls, smiling-even-though-I-don't-feel-well, dancing-around-the-kitchen-while-doing-dishes excited!

I'll do a real blog post soon. I think hubby has finished the "continuing courtship" post for our fantabulous marriage series, so we'll be posting that pronto! We've just been soooo busy with school and work. *Sigh* I was not emotionally prepared for this semester. Summer went WAY too fast!

Just a Quick Pregnancy Update: Quickening

I felt the baby move for the first time today! It was so exciting :) I've had a lot of gas bubbles and such in my tummy lately, but I've always been completely confident that that's what it was. Today was very different. I distinctly felt three little taps in my abdomen, like baby was kicking his/her feet in excitement, and I almost stood up in the middle of choir and shouted out the news! Instead I went to the restroom and texted my husband, who was also in class, to let him know. We are so excited for this little baby to come into our family, and to find out soon whether it will be a boy or a girl! If you haven't yet, take the poll in the upper right hand corner and let us know what you think the gender will be! Life is such a wonderful adventure :)

I Love the Fall, and General Conference

I love fall. I love pumpkins, crunchy leaves, cozy sweaters, changing colors, halloween costumes, preparing for our little baby to come, but one of my absolute favorite things about fall is General Conference! I get to spend two full days listening to the words the Lord wants me to hear. He speaks through prophets and apostles, just like he did in the Bible. I always feel the spirit so strongly and I love the opportunity to refocus and remind myself of who I am and where I want to be going.

This past weekend was the General Relief Society Broadcast: a special session of General Conference just for women. I loved the messages shared, especially about how God loves us, and is always willing to give us the peace and strength we need to keep going, no matter how difficult our lives are, if we are only willing to pray and ask for it and to try our best to be obedient to his commandments. If you would like to watch this broadcast and see what the female leaders and prophet had to say to the women of this church last saturday, click here. Men are of course welcome to watch as well, the messages are just directed at the sisters.

If you would like to watch the main body of conference (split into four sessions, beginning Saturday morning and ending Sunday evening) you can go to this link. There is also a priesthood session, specifically for men in the church ages 12 and up. This will be on the same website on Saturday evening. Also, if you get BYUTV, you can watch it on the television.

I am super excited for this weekend (admittedly also for the brunch I traditionally make to eat on Sunday morning as well as for General conference) and I hope that you can feel the spirit of the Lord touch your heart and guide your life if you chose to watch with me this weekend.