Refocus

Lately I've been a little self centered and materialistic and focussing too much on the things that I don't, and probably can't, have. It's disappointing to say the least. We all want to have what we want, it's natural. What's hard is accepting that we can't have everything we want and really embracing that fact. That's the part I'm having trouble with. So, I am once again rededicating my efforts to acknowledge the things that I am grateful for in the hopes that I can shift my focus from what I want, to what I have.

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who have given so much for me, and the rest of our Father's children, for the sake of our happiness. I'm grateful for my faith in them, that no matter how frustrated I may be with the differences between our plans and ideas of what would be best for me, I never doubt their existence or even love for me. I really have been quite selfish lately and I'm sorry to the few people who read this if you don't enjoy it when my blog turns into a journal, because that is probably what will happen for the next little while as I try to overcome this little bump in the road and get back to being a deeply happy me, instead of this obnoxious grumpy one who has been inhabiting my body for the last little while.

I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to overcome this trial more quickly and move on, it's really not a huge deal, and I suppose this is why so many people are pessimistic and never get their hopes up, because it really stinks when you let yourself expect something and then are let down. It's tough. I don't enjoy it. So now we've come full circle and returned to the fact that I intend to be more grateful in everything that I do. . . The End. :)

Nom nom nom: not my usual kind of post

Tonight I was craving Cafe Rio, but lacking a car and having a full refrigerator of food that needs to be used by Thursday before I leave for Christmas break, I decided to stay in and try my hand at recipe inventing. Ok, I didn't completely invent it, I borrowed ideas from this blog. I really quite enjoyed it!

The change I made from my normal tacos that surprised me the most, but also was, in my opinion, one of the best additions, was putting brown sugar on the chicken along with the taco seasoning, to give it that sweet, savory flavor.

The rice was also completely different from how I normally make it (rice, water, done.) I added butter, garlic powder, and lemon juice to the water before I cooked it, and then added lemon juice and sugar after it was done. I added too much of the last two ingredients, and it was a bit too sweet, so I added a pinch of taco seasoning to tone it down, and once it was paired with the chicken and lettuce, it was sublime.

The lettuce actually muted the other flavors a bit, so that's a good thing for me to remember for the future. I also added some crumbled up tortilla chips to give it a little crunch

So, basically I'm really proud of myself and plan to add this to my repertoire. Thank you for listening to my bragging.

here are some pictures :)

My lovely creation... I'm not a food photographer. Just a not-humble-enough, very-pleased-with-herself girl.

My apron that my Grandma and I made together this summer. I quite like this as well :)

oh, ps I plan to make these after I study a little bit more. So excited!

Finals-- study break

just a few random thoughts I'm jotting down so they stop floating around in my brain while I'm trying to write. Plus trying to stay positive during the 2nd craziest week of the year (I would argue that the week before finals is actually worse because you have your normal class schedule, plus reviews, plus studying, plus excitement for break, plus end-of-the-semester fatigue)

1. "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts," which shows that by baking when I am stressed out, I am logically doing the opposite of being stressed. I knew there was a reason :)

2. I am really glad I ran into Ashley in the library so I didn't have to eat alone when it was lunch time. plus she's just awesome.

3. I get to go home in FOUR DAYS!

4. BYU's pretty cool, minus finals

5. If I finish all of my finals by Wednesday night, I am allowed to watch psych with my friends. If not, I have to stay in the library and study. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is.

6. random observation: there's not very much snow on the mountains

7. another RO: glittery nail polish chips faster than glossy

8. The library is actually quiet here :)

9. The library and my apartment are nice and warm, even when it's cold outside.

10. I should probably go back to studying.....

There's So Much to Be Thankful for

I am so blessed to have so many good friends around me when my life doesn't go as planned. It is seriously so nice to not be left alone to wallow in my disappointment (except for when I'm studying in the Library :P ) I was rejected for an audition that I had really hoped to at least go to callbacks for, and had been really excited for, and so I was pretty bummed to find out that I don't get to go. Despite my sadness, I seriously had someone supporting me from the moment I found out.

First it was the nice guy I sit next to in English who offered to let me borrow his computer to read the email when my AirPort quit, and then walked me halfway to my next class to make sure I was ok. After that class I ran in to two very good friends who I rarely see, who gave me big hugs and were totally sympathetic.

After that I had a break from class so I decided to go to the Creamery and get supplies for cookies, because baking is what I do when I'm sad. It was nice to be able to just go for a walk, and the anticipation for the cookies was quite exciting. My last class was latin, and I got to dance Cha cha with fun guys for almost an hour, which was fantastic and super fun.

Instead of going straight home, I talked to my family for a bit, and then snuck into the Men's Chorus rehearsal with a few friends, just to listen. Oh, how I love Men's Chorus! They always brighten my day.

When I got back to my apartment I was greeted by a BIG hug from my wonderful roommate Brianna, with whom I ate dinner, watched a CHEEZY Hallmark Christmas movie, and made cookies! As the rest of my roommates came home they were all so sweet and kind and kept assuring me that it wasn't because of my talent level that I wasn't accepted. I went to go to a friend's house and watch my favorite TV show, Psych, and my friends there were just as fantastic, giving me lots of love, encouragement, and snuggles.

This morning, I woke up with a package sitting in front of my door, filled with my favorite candy and snacks. Taped to the front was the sweetest card from my wonderful roommate Rachel and her boyfriend. It was a great start to my day.

I went to campus to study, and for some reason was having trouble being optimistic. I was down on myself, and low on faith. I texted my good friend Nathaniel and asked if he'd be willing to go get ice cream with me, and he said yes. He gave me the biggest hug and was working so hard to make me smile, and I really appreciated it. He payed for my ice cream, despite my protests, and then took me bowling. When we finished our game he pulled me out onto the lanes and started swing dancing. I think that was probably the biggest I've smiled in a while. I LOVE spontaneous dancing.

After we were done we went caroling with with some of the members of Men's and Women's chorus in Brigham Square, and it was super fun... and that was about the end of my happy related things for the day. I had to go back to studying and test taking after that, but I am still sooo grateful to all of the people who have been a part of lifting me up and not allowing me to sulk around feeling sorry for myself. I love you all :)

my new mantra

It is better to look up.

This phrase comes from a talk from the most recent General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you haven't read it, you definitely should, even if you aren't LDS. The entire address has such a bright message of hope, and it makes me happy.

I've been having a few minor setbacks lately that I am, stupidly, allowing to bring me down. When I catch myself thinking sad thoughts, I try to remember to look up. Even if you take this literally, it helps. The simple act of lifting your chin is the opposite of what we (or at least I) naturally want to do when I am sad, and therefore helps me to feel happier.

What makes it even more helpful, is the spiritual implications of looking up towards Heaven. To think of the love that God has for us and of his great goodness and the plan that he has for me makes me so happy. Then to go beyond that and seek his guidance, trusting that everything will work out the way that he desires, is so comforting. Even though I sometimes am selfish and wish that his plans conformed to mine, I am always happier when I banish that thought and bend my will to his.

I am so grateful for this perspective, and for my faith so that I can trust that nothing that will disrupt his plan for me will happen. I love Him so much, and am so thankful for all that he has given to me.

money, money, money, money

I am so, so very grateful for my parents and my family and that they take care of me. I'm kind of a black hole for money at the moment, what with going to school, living out of state, and not having a job, and my wonderful parents are currently paying for pretty much everything. In my defense, I did give them almost all of the money I made over the summer, but that was just about enough to cover the independent study courses I enrolled in.

I'm so grateful for the sacrifices my family makes for me, especially my parents. No matter how little we had growing up, they always made sure that we had enough, and never let us know how little there really was. They always made me feel that a roof over my head and food on the table would be a constant thing and, despite wearing hand-me-downs and rarely going out to eat, I never felt as if I was at a disadvantage.

I'm grateful that even in our time of greatest need my father still showed compassion to those who had less than us, and gave all he could to anyone he met in real need. He is such a good and kind man, and has the biggest heart.

Missionaries: still grateful :)

Once again, I am so grateful for missionaries. One of my oldest friends left on his mission yesterday, and although it was hard to say goodbye for two whole years, I am so proud of him. He is going to be a fantastic missionary and I can't wait to hear from him (we will be able to write letters while he is serving.) After preparing for several weeks in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, he will go to Stockholm, Sweden and the surrounding area to serve teach the people there about their loving savior, and offer them the opportunity to come into the fold of God. For more information about LDS missionaries, click here.

I am so grateful for this gospel and the peace and assurance that it brings into my life. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church of God on the Earth today, and that through the teachings and ordinances of this church, we can be saved and return to live with our loving Father in Heaven. I am so grateful for the knowledge and testimony that I have of my Savior and his plan for me. I love him so very, very much and I know that he loves all of his children individually more than I can possibly hope to comprehend in this life, but I hope that some day I can greet him face to face and thank him for the amazing sacrifice he made for me.

For more information about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, go to mormon.org, or click the pink button to the right that says "my faith".

It's the little things

I'm grateful for the little things in life that make me smile. Dance partners that show you super-cool moves when you're practicing for a competition, sun on a cold day, a boy that walks around campus with a HUGE boom box on his shoulder playing happy songs at obnoxious volumes, people dropping candy tied to mini parachutes off of tall buildings, you know, the little things.

One little thing I've loved seeing the last few days is the motivational quotes written on the landings of the 4 story-ish flight of stairs I have to walk up in order to get to campus every morning. Let me tell you, when you have a backpack full of books and a laptop it is not very much fun. Some sweet soul, however, wrote really nice things in chalk on the ground, making the climb much more pleasant. I unfortunately didn't have my camera with me, but they had phrases like "great job!" " lookin' fine." "Almost there!" and it made me smile, which is not something I usually do when I'm climbing those stairs.

Men's Chorus

I just realized that even though I love them so much, I have yet to write about the wonderful Men's Chorus here at BYU. Why do I love them so much? Not only do they make beautiful music, often incorporate dance, drums, organ, cello, and other of my favorite things into their performances, but they have the spirit. And really ladies, what could be better than 200 righteous, singing men with beautiful voices and testimonies to match?

(me with the oh, so fabulous president of Men's Chorus,

wearing our respective choir t-shirts)